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Zombie Book Club
Welcome to Zombie Book Club! We're a Podcast that's also a book club! We talk about Zombie / Apocalyptic horror novels, TV and movies.
Zombie Book Club
SummerWeen Slamdown with special guest Brandon Starocci and Laurie Calcaterra and a surprise guest Judge | Zombie Book Club Ep 110
The tension was palpable as we welcomed comic creators Laurie Calcaterra and Brandon Starocci to the Summerween Slamdown - a bare-knuckle brawl between frenemies that would determine the fate of Laurie's zombie crown and Brandon's prized mustache. What began as online beef culminated in this explosive showdown, judged by none other than 2024 Zombie-ween king and horror author Sylvester Barzey.
Contact & Social Links for Guests & Related Authors
Elevator Pitch
- R. Cuthbertson: @rcuthbertson.writes
Guests
- Laurie Calcaterra: @LaurieCalcaterra
- Brandon Starocci: @brandonstarocci
Judge
- Sylvester Barzey: @sylvesterbarzey
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Welcome to Zombie Book Club, the only book club where the book is a bare knuckle brawl between two comic creators. I'm Dan, and when I'm not heckling fistfights from the sidelines, I'm writing a book about the zombie apocalypse that sometimes feels like an emotional beatdown.
Speaker 2:Oh yes, and I'm Leah. And today's episode is the Summerween Slamdown, where undead comic creators, laurie Calcaterra and Brandon Starocki face off Crowns and mustaches, hang in the balance and a surprise special guest judge crashes the party and only one of them will survive the shade. But first, as an opener, we actually have an author pitch today, dan. Oh yeah, an opening act, some might say, to the main event, the main battle, the main fight.
Speaker 1:Yeah, my brain's not working.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we're recording this after the um, the brawl, the beatdown that just occurred, and it was an experience.
Speaker 1:Uh, speaking of uh content warning. Uh, in this episode there's jokes about being children of divorce, and the battle gets intense. Very intense and may inspire some trauma if you've been through divorce. But hang in there, just like that poster of a cat hanging off of a branch. Hang in there Because there's a happy ending to the story. I hope that's not a spoiler.
Speaker 2:You know, if you made it through divorce with your parents, you can make it through this episode. But seriously, if it is something that would be too hard to listen to totally understand, uh, but just remember that this is not um. This was a frenemy situation, emphasis on the friend part of the frenemy between laurie and brandon. But you'll have to listen to it to get the rest of the details. First, as an opening act, we have an author pitch from our Zomvesti R Cuthbertson about her newly released book Waves of Undead. I've been really looking forward to this book for a while. It's going to be one of our winter reads, Dan.
Speaker 1:Yeah, surfing and zombies. Yeah, let's hear more about it.
Speaker 2:Let's hear it. I want to know more what. And zombies? Yeah, let's hear more about it. Let's hear it. What floor should we go to to listen to this?
Speaker 1:author pitch oh sea level.
Speaker 2:So right down to the basement.
Speaker 1:Yeah, floor zero.
Speaker 2:Okay, let's hear what you got, arkoth.
Speaker 3:Britson, are you ready to dive into your next summer? Read Waves of Undead has surfing. It has zombies. It has surfing zombies. No, no, it has surfing zombies. No, no, there's no surfing zombies.
Speaker 3:The prologue does, however, kick off with surfing of a tsunami. When a tsunami and a zombie outbreak strike simultaneously, what lengths must one go to in order to survive twins, paul and anna zeus, and fight for their lives when they encounter people who are violent and cannibalistic the undead. At the end of the road along the 49th parallel sits the remote town of Tofino, a surfer's paradise in the Pacific Northwest. Anna travels to this idyllic beach town hoping to rekindle a romantic relationship. When horror and disaster strike, paul learns his sister is on Vancouver Island where civilians are being warned of an encroaching tsunami. Will Paul find a way to get his sister to safety despite the impending apocalypse?
Speaker 3:Waves of Undead is book one in the Undead Waters series, which will consist of three novels and two novellas written by me, r Cuthbertson, but you can call me Rebecca Fast-paced, multi-point of view and action-packed. Early readers have described Waves of Undead as hard to put down and well-fleshed out Funny comment for a zombie novel. Signed copies and book bundles which include a bookmark. A mysterious vial postcard, a surfing zombie sticker and signed zombie portrait of yours truly can be found on my website at rcuthbertsonwritescom. Ebooks are available on Kindle and Kindle Unlimited Paperback copies are also available on Amazon. I love connecting with fellow members of the zombie community, so feel free to reach out to me on Instagram or TikTok at rcuthbertsonwrites. Surfing Zombies Tsunami. This is phase one of the outbreak. Are you ready?
Speaker 2:Happy readings on besties. Oh, rebecca, now I can officially call you rebecca, yeah thanks for that I am terrified of the concept of tsunami, a tsunami of fucking zombies. Well, what if you're really?
Speaker 1:good at surfing, though I'm not I I I always wanted to learn how to surf, like when I was a kid, because I did snowboarding and stuff, and I'm like, how come I've never been surfing? And then the the easiest answer is because I don't live near an ocean.
Speaker 2:Yeah, me neither. We were inlanders growing up.
Speaker 1:It's unfair that I'm not a surfer boy.
Speaker 2:It's never too late, dan, I think it is. Regardless, this book sounds like quite a thrill ride. I love the creative take on it. It makes me think about when I got to go to hawaii many years ago um, on oahu, the north shore and I watched people surf for the first time on those huge waves. And now I'm picturing zombies as a part of the waves.
Speaker 1:And that's not even like tsunami level wave, that's yeah the north shore is no joke yeah a friend of mine decided to also surf for the first time in the North Shore and almost died.
Speaker 2:What? That's a bad idea.
Speaker 1:Yeah, two of them went out and they both had to save each other. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Rebecca's not only an excellent author, she also does some very great zombie cosplay. Is that the right word?
Speaker 1:I'm thinking of oh yeah, yes, like dressing up as a zombie.
Speaker 2:Yes, and I love following her because she also shares these very funny clips from her life, like recently, I learned that her writing station is inside of a playpen.
Speaker 1:What yeah? So the person who wrote a book about surfing away from a tsunami of dead people also writes inside of a playpen.
Speaker 2:They do, turns out. It keeps the babies and the dogs out, so it works out really nicely so.
Speaker 1:the playpen, the thing designed to keep babies inside, is what what they use to keep the babies away.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:Okay, I just wanted to make sure.
Speaker 2:You can find that out and more If you follow Rebecca at our Cuthbertson dot writes on Instagram. Super fun to follow and we will definitely be having her on the show sometime this winter, because I think when we're all feeling the winter blues, I'm going to want to imagine a tsunami of zombies. Oh yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we're going to want to be on that beach.
Speaker 2:Yeah, suntanning while getting eaten. I guess I don't know, but thanks for submitting the author pitch. Rebecca, we're so be a part of the community and super excited to have you on the show. And now for the main act summerween slam down between laurie calcaterra and brandon staraki.
Speaker 1:Who are you rooting for? Let us know on instagram. Slam down showdown.
Speaker 2:Slam down summerween slam down welcome to the summerween slam down. Tonight, two fierce undead comic creators face off. After years of online beef, today we have with us Lori Calcaterra, our first ever zombie-ween game show. Queen, creator of Path of the Pale Rider, hot Sauce Witch and Fruit Smashing Martial Artist, she is here to defend her zombie meat crown from her frenemy, brandon Starocki.
Speaker 2:Brandon is the scrappy underdog of the evening with razor-sharp wit. He's the creator of zombie comic Avalon and the proud owner of a legendary mustache. He's showing it off, brandon. Show off the mustache, come closer that he has vowed to protect. He's challenged Lori to the Summerween Slamdown for her crown even after I offered to make him his own without even winning Zombieween. So Even after I offered to make him his own without even winning Zombieween. So that's a real beef. If he loses, he's going to have to depart with that mustache completely and I believe you want it mailed to you, lori, is that right? Sure, okay, I'm your host, leah here to guide you through all the action, and Dan is here as our official heckler.
Speaker 1:Wake me up when the show starts.
Speaker 6:Welcome officially Lori and Brandonon how are you two doing great?
Speaker 4:oh, you know except for laurie we're good, I'm good, you're ready all is good.
Speaker 1:Are you ready to tear each other's guts out for our entertainment?
Speaker 4:yes, I think, yes, I was born ready I was gonna say that comes naturally to brandon, I think, tearing guts or getting ripped, them ripped out. He just likes to tear things up, perfect.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Could you explain, for those who have not been following your online beef, how this all started? Go ahead, brandon.
Speaker 6:You too. So we went to the Living Dead weekend and really was the call out day, but you know, there was a couple zombie ween episodes that I was unable to attend. And uh, lori wins this fake crown championship because the real champion wasn't there me, um. So basically it's a phony championship crown she has right now and I'm here now in front of her to obtain and really honestly defend the crown, because I'm actually the champion so I called her out at the zombie or the living dead weekend and, um, I told her she didn't accept.
Speaker 6:She was a coward. So I'm I'm personally shocked that she did accept it. So she isn't as much as I thought she was, but she still is a a bit of a coward to me and it's not going to, it's not going to be well for her in this episode.
Speaker 2:Laurie, what do you have to say to that?
Speaker 4:First of all, we were supposed to tell the story and you just went right into insults. What the hell Like? You didn't actually tell people that. You know, we started writing comic books around the same time and that's how we met, and it's been a long journey supporting each other's colleagues. And then, no, no, my time to talk. You already spoke my time, um, and then you just came up with this beef out of nowhere. It is not my fault that you were not able to come to the zombie one or zombie wing two. Whose fault is that your fault? Who won? Fair and square, I did, I did, thank you you won a phony, you started this you started
Speaker 6:this uh-uh, no, no, I won continuing it on without me, the, the actual champion.
Speaker 4:You would have showed up the second year, you, you didn't well, I'm well, we're here now.
Speaker 2:We're here now chicken, chicken here we are better late than never yeah, and I I know that some of us are very excited for this beef showdown and other people have described it as like their parents getting divorced and having to pick a parent.
Speaker 4:So you're traumatizing the whole community look what you're doing, brandon playing with people's emotions like that uh, laurie, why did you respond to brandon's challenge?
Speaker 2:yes, but I want your mustache Because he called me a coward. So that's a.
Speaker 4:No one calls me a coward Mustache. I mean I had to raise the stakes Because, yeah, I mean if I win I keep what I already won. But I mean, like I need something dear to Brandon to be, you know, up the stakes. So we both know that him and that mustache am I right? It's the mustache, right.
Speaker 6:It goes a long way. I have yet to find a clipper that could even cut this beautiful mustache off. Don't worry, I got one. It's not going to be impossible at all. It's impossible for you to win and it's impossible for any shears to even cut this thing off. I got one. I got one right here. It's impossible for you to win and it's impossible for any shears to even cut this thing off.
Speaker 1:You know I have a question, laurie, about Brandon's mustache, especially since he brings up the problem with the shears not being able to pierce his mustache strands. I was wondering first, how would you like this mustache to be delivered? Should it be delivered intact? Do you want it in a small?
Speaker 6:jar. This is all in theory, that she's going to win. She ain't winning.
Speaker 1:This isn't even a conversation to be had and also follow up question If you want the mustache intact, do you want it to be waxed off? Since it cannot be, oh, I brought clippers.
Speaker 4:I mean Brandon, that could work it ain't going to work.
Speaker 6:It can't work.
Speaker 4:The problem is that Dan and I? I think waxing could work too. I think Dan is correct.
Speaker 1:I think that waxing should be. You could frame that mustache, you would always have it.
Speaker 4:I think it needs to be live, I think you need to record it, the whole A lot.
Speaker 2:Is it self-waxing? Because I think that's the ultimate torture.
Speaker 4:Does your wife? Does she have waxing stuff, or do you need to actually go to a place to have it?
Speaker 6:waxed Again. I bring the point up. We're talking as if this is already lost. It's not happening, it can't happen, it won't happen. I'm here to win and only to win.
Speaker 4:Well, that's not up to me and Dan, you have no idea, what you have awoken.
Speaker 2:Lori, lori, yes, calm down, your time to fight is coming.
Speaker 7:But first we have to say hello to Sylvester.
Speaker 2:Barzee, because Dan and I cannot judge this.
Speaker 8:Hi, this has arrived. I am here to judge, as your royal leader and whatnot, to see this showdown go down and hopefully we see a lot of blood, a lot of personal attacks.
Speaker 2:Oh she's got a crown too. It's already started, sylvester.
Speaker 6:It's a fake crown. It's a fake crown.
Speaker 4:Oh, it's not a fake crown, it's the first crown.
Speaker 2:Look at that evil eye peeking through the universe.
Speaker 4:Let me see if I can turn off my background here.
Speaker 8:So I am excited about this. I want to see how this all plays out.
Speaker 2:Well, we're really glad you're here, Sylvester, because Dan and I cannot choose. We love Brandon and Lori equally. The mustache is on in both solidarity for brandon, but also the possibility of it being very humorous that I get to take it off if you lose.
Speaker 6:Sorry, brandon and yeah, I agree. So she was saying team brandon yeah, everybody's got a stash right now.
Speaker 4:This is perfect.
Speaker 1:Mine's in mockery we also realized that in in a in a battle for the royal crown of zombie ween, we couldn't judge because we are not royal peers. Only a winner of zombie ween could judge who is deserving to wear the crown of zombie ween this is for her crown and not mine, right?
Speaker 4:correct. You get to keep your crown. You get to keep your crown, I get to keep my crown. Brandon gets to shave off his mustache and cry in the corner. That's what's going to happen.
Speaker 8:You have to shave.
Speaker 4:He's yeah, I mean like, come on, we had to up the stakes, right Wax.
Speaker 6:It's not happening. You got to understand it's not happening. You can just mail that little wax like dan is a great. Thank you for holding my crown and keeping it safe for me, because it's coming to erie soon I'm gonna frame it and put it on my wall.
Speaker 2:Okay, laurie, okay, brandon, calm down, you're it's almost, it's almost ready to fight, but you gotta, you gotta, you gotta get your breathing in first. Right, and I need to introduce officially the 2024 zombie ween king and horror author, sylvester bar, coming from the infected depths of deep space, hell, and our official judge for this event, as you have already said, because he is the king of this realm of Zombieween and our final authority. Sylvester is a Bronx-born military veteran who is an award-winning zombie and horror author who shines a spotlight on BIPOC characters in his books. Sylvester, how did you feel when we said we need you to judge this?
Speaker 8:I felt so amazing because you know my family left me today, so not left they just went to the store.
Speaker 1:They'll be back.
Speaker 8:So, they say yeah. So I'm excited, I want to see this. I've seen the trash talk, I've seen the back and forth, I've read the mythos and the lore, so I'm ready.
Speaker 2:You're ready. Well, what's the criteria you're going to use to judge, because you have complete control over what is decided here today.
Speaker 8:I'm working on vibes.
Speaker 2:Not going to give them any clues.
Speaker 8:Oh, I have no clue myself, so we'll find out.
Speaker 1:So it's simple, all you have to do is please, sylvester.
Speaker 2:Well, I think we need to dive in, because I can tell Brandon and Laura you are chomping at the bit to just kick each other's ass. Somebody's going to win here. So here's my, my criteria. You can take it or leave it, sylvester, but what we're going to do now is Laurie and Brandon are going to face off in a series of wild, undead themed challenges designed to test their zombie skills, zeal, outrageousness, menace, bangers, intensity and edge. They'll make their opening arguments, roast each other and then tackle some pretty typical, but with a twist, zombie ween, survival questions, and then they're going to make their finale speeches to finally, like, clinch the win for you, sylvester, so you can kind of let people know where you're leaning through each round.
Speaker 2:But it's your choice at the very end, who you want to have. Win, um, and there are no ground rules. Normally, I have ground rules. There are none, just whatever you want, you can. You can play as dirty as you like in this game. Are you ready?
Speaker 6:oh yeah, yes, I'm ready to get this crown to here, so I in this game.
Speaker 2:Are you ready? Oh yeah, I'm ready to get this crown. So I asked you both to prepare opening statements for Sylvester about why you should win Brandon as the underdog here. I'd like you to start. Why should you claim the crown?
Speaker 6:So it's as simple as this, number one my car's not inspected, my taillight's out, my hairline is falling out. It's about time I win something. I give mother something to be proud about her son. So we're here, we're going to take down Lori, this phony champion. She's going to next day air this thing. I want this thing here tomorrow. And it's as simple as that.
Speaker 2:That's a strong starting statement. That's it. That's all you got your weak hairline.
Speaker 4:It is what it?
Speaker 6:is. You know we're here to. I'm here to get dirty. Start fighting. Get this crown here, right next to my desk, right here, so I can just show it off at all times Period.
Speaker 2:Mustache dropped. Laurie, you sent me a video for your opening. I did, would you?
Speaker 4:like me to go and play that I've been preparing for this.
Speaker 5:This is Lori's opening statement. Bow down and give reverence to Lori Calcatero the House Calcatero the first of her name, the original zombie-weaned queen, drinker of tears, smasher of fruit, khaleesi of the kitchen, countess of cliffhangers, emp Emotions and Mother of Assassins.
Speaker 4:Anywho, I will just say my reasoning that I should win is because one I actually won the first round of Zombieween game show. I was there. Brandon was not and in fact he was invited and he just didn't show that day because we all thought he was going to be there and he just did not show up. He was invited for the second time when Sylvester and I got to, you know butt heads and go for the crown, and you won. Brandon could have been there and he was not. So why should Brandon get a shot at the crown that I rightfully won the first year if he couldn't even bother to show up and contest with everybody? That's loser. Talk in it to show up. I know he's sleeping because he's old and can't, you know, think.
Speaker 6:Oh, you're still talking. Yeah, because I actually have something poignant to say.
Speaker 4:I know you don't out when something important happens, like you don't show up to the zombie ween contest like everybody else does.
Speaker 6:Hey, it is what it is. You know, wasn't there, Me in my absence not being there, that first official kind of show just proved that it was a phony thing from the get-go. You know, it was just like a pity win for you.
Speaker 4:I'm sorry. Did you just insult Dan and Leah? Did you just insult Dan and Leah? That's all in the past right now, Because that's what it sounds like to me.
Speaker 2:Is that you called the show?
Speaker 4:phony, because you weren't there. So that means that everybody else that was involved is also phony, that's rude.
Speaker 6:Do you even listen to the words that come out of your mouth? The real challenger here was Brandon. You know we'll just give it to Lori. There's not much we can do about it. It is what it is. I'm here now to get back the crown that was right through my Do you even listen to the show?
Speaker 4:Because it sounds like you didn't even listen. Do you listen to the podcast? Do you listen to the episodes? Oh, all the time, because, because, it sounds like you don't go back and listen to them either.
Speaker 6:Oh, 100% yeah.
Speaker 2:It is what it is.
Speaker 6:We're here now it's done.
Speaker 2:Sylvester, where are you leaning from this intro?
Speaker 8:These opening statements are pretty strong right now. At first I was leaning towards Brandon, because you know I feel sorry about your hairline and that hurts, so I was leaning towards you. But I did get to see the video and I I do love the video, so I could have thought, oh, oh, okay now. Now I'm on the fence, all right, I'm just waiting.
Speaker 1:Yeah we'll see okay we didn't know how bad it's from winner to winner, I mean sylvester, you understand that there was work involved in becoming the champion, right?
Speaker 4:very true there was a contest and you worked your butt off and that was me on both years. In the first year I did win, and so for brandon to show up and just challenge me directly, that's cheating well, it's not.
Speaker 6:It sounds like it. You know, it's a victim mentality, you, okay, okay, okay, I'm timing out Time, out Time. Brandon Storocki, that was the only thing you got.
Speaker 2:It is time for us to begin our zombie wing questions. Yeah, now it begins. Yes, where pain is the spice of life. I asked you both to get your hot sauce. You're ready. I need each of you to take a spoonful of hot sauce and while you're taking it, I want you to contemplate your answer to this question. First person to have an answer can just start. If you could invent gotta listen.
Speaker 6:If you could invent and Laurie, you're gonna do a big. You're gonna do a real shot of hot sauce. You're not gonna do some fake stuff. Did you switch that out with just mango sauce? Is it real hot sauce?
Speaker 4:shut up, brandon Leo was talking real.
Speaker 2:You interrupted leo stop interrupting, leo, true if you could invent a brand new zombie mutation, what would it look like and how would it kill your opponent?
Speaker 6:we take the shot.
Speaker 2:First the shot and then you can think about an answer. What would this new zombie mutation look like and how would it kill your opponent?
Speaker 8:my acid reflux.
Speaker 6:look, look, we're talking, we're talking, uh, getting stuff out there where it's like you're, you're making things fear. You know you're making the dark fearful again. You know everybody has that fear of the dark. So these things are going to be lurking in the dark and hibernating in the dark. So at any moment you're doing this, it's a it almost seems like a horror film. It's spooky, it's scary. Every time you look into a room, these things are going to be menacing and phantom-like. Where it's not even zombie-like, it is a zombie, but it happens so quick. You walk up, you go to get packages or scavenge a house and all that stuff. It's pitch black. You go up there and then, boom, it's almost like a Batman kind of horrorist kind of thing. Make them spooky, make them, make zombies scary again, especially adding the element of fear with the dark.
Speaker 1:Make zombies scary, so they're phantoms.
Speaker 6:What are they? They're zombies.
Speaker 4:So you didn't answer the question, okay.
Speaker 6:They move within the phantom. You know they're phantom-like.
Speaker 4:That's not what the question was. Yeah, what was the question.
Speaker 4:My turn. The question was yeah, what's the question? My turn. The question was what new zombie mutation would you invent and how would they kill people? So my new zombie mutation would be this virus that makes people's skin and bodies go together so they become this massive, almost like a rat king. They suck you in, so if they touch, you get absorbed, like your skin connects and you, like you, become one massive ball. That would be great because you can have like a zombie ball just run over people and now you're a part of the mass.
Speaker 6:I mean it's cute, it's been done many times before, it's not anything. Original Name one Name one. The Last of Us. You're talking Resident Evil, you're talking about all these things. Yeah, of course I'm talking about. She's talking about mutation, where you're coming into a rat king kind of bot.
Speaker 8:We've already seen that it's not like you didn't even suggest a mutation Brandon. It is something like that in Z Nation.
Speaker 4:Right, exactly, I have not seen Z Nation.
Speaker 8:Yeah, been there done that, they have this ball of zombies.
Speaker 5:That's cool I haven't seen it.
Speaker 4:That's a giant wheel. I was just thinking like, do we believe, lori? You haven't seen it. But I mean, what's it? We've seen it before. I'm sorry, I have a life and I stay busy. No, now you're a zombie person but you don't.
Speaker 6:But you don't watch a zombie show, okay I just haven't seen some of the new ones because I'm too busy writing.
Speaker 4:Shut up for a second. This is going to be a long show.
Speaker 8:No one's gonna be able to hear anything we say I mean I want to watch one episode of uh dead city, so I'm not. I don't feel like you have to watch everything.
Speaker 4:You can't really force I don't have enough time. I'm too busy trying to produce my book.
Speaker 2:Dead City is terrible anyway, so you don't have to listen to that.
Speaker 8:I was hoping that it still was Part of me. Inside was like what if it is good? And I'm missing out.
Speaker 1:But thank you they also have a Rat King zombie.
Speaker 2:They do we're going to move on to our next question.
Speaker 5:Very original, Rory.
Speaker 1:We're going to move on to our next question.
Speaker 6:You didn't even answer the question. Brandon shut up. Yeah, I said, I said phantom, like you know you're making, you're adding a fear element to it.
Speaker 2:Anyone who's actually had parental trauma of a lot of yelling may be deeply triggered by this episode.
Speaker 8:As I am currently this is really intense I'm like on the verge of tears breathe. You're gonna be hurt, hurt. I feel uncomfortable, but it's good.
Speaker 1:Take a breath, eat some more hot sauce and let's move on.
Speaker 2:Welcome. We're in a new era. We are well into the apocalypse now and, sylvester, you have a Planet Dead pawn shop in this world.
Speaker 2:You are both going to go in together. I'm going to give you secretly, via the chat, uh, three secret items, and sylvester you. I will also tell you how many bottle caps you have to spend. Uh, you can pitch roast charm into. Well, you know, I'm not going to say interrupt. Let's try not to interrupt each other. Maybe that's my one rule, uh, to convince Sylvester to buy your stuff. Whoever gets the most of Sylvester's bottle caps wins. So just one moment, I'm going to DM you all your secret items that you need to convince Sylvester to purchase.
Speaker 8:Welcome to the Ringmaster Pawn Shop. We buy and steal everything, so go ahead. What do you got?
Speaker 4:I will go first as a lady. Ladies first, oh, I love this shop. Look at how many interesting things you have, and how do you keep it smelling so nice? Is that apple pie, cinnamon? Yeah, I'm really impressed that, even in the apocalypse, that your store is so uh well kept and smells nice. Now I, I too, am a traveler in this apocalypse and, sir, um, I have some wares that you might be interested in. Definitely can help the, uh, the person looking to trade and uh, protect themselves here in the apocalypse. We have zombie problems, you know, um, let me interest you in what I have. So first let me put it all out on the table for you, and I'm going to put down seven hamburger shaped squeaky dog toys.
Speaker 4:A burnt out lava lamp okay and a relatively fresh dead mouse just freshly caught. Okay, so let's talk about these because you see, with these squeakies I can help you with your zombie detection. These are a great indicator that someone is walking around in an area they're not supposed to be. Slip it under a rug at the door, put it in between the door jam at the top. Maybe put it in the refrigerator to stop those kids from sneaking some food when they're not supposed to.
Speaker 4:And it's so great that we have seven, because the opportunity is endless, because we all need to keep prepared in the apocalypse. But let's move on to the next one, this lava lamp. Now we don't really need lamps, no more. But did you know what's inside of a lava lamp? Lava Wax. The lava is wax, so you can make candles, you can seal cheese and food Wax is a lot of uses.
Speaker 4:And then you could use the empty container to store water or food or whatever you like. So there's lots of components. And if you're a scavenger and you like to tinker, there's all the electrical components inside that you know can be whatever fancy you're looking for. And finally, finally, of course, I myself have just trapped this fresh mouse. Whether you choose to consume fresh mouse or use it as bait, completely up to you, could be used for either, and the pelt can make like a nice little lovey for a child. You know how we have a rabbit's foot you could have. You know a child, you know how we have a rabbit's foot you could have. You know, just something to soothe. So that is what I bring to you, my friend um, lots, lots of things that could definitely help you in the apocalypse. You let me know what you're interested in absolutely, that was definitely a good pitch.
Speaker 8:I was a bit skeptical at first, but you, you've convinced me, brandon. What do you have?
Speaker 6:Hey, I noticed that I'm not here to waste your time like she was. So I noticed that you have. I saw kids, younger kids and all that as well, in a pool down the street and also I noticed that you have VHS tapes sitting over there. Over to the right, I have here an inflatable unicorn pool float for the kids. Really kind of get away from the chaos that's going on in the world. Right, you know, let's start to just settle down, use kind of like a picnic thing. You know, I'm assuming you guys do picnics, picnics in this small town and all that good stuff as well. I got an inflatable unicorn float. Those are always cute, they're, they're nice, you know. Get the kids, you know, having fun in the pools. Then I have seven vhs tapes of speed two, not a popular one, but it's movie. It keeps, it brings people back to what it used to be.
Speaker 8:We don't have to deal stuff with stuff. All seven or speed two.
Speaker 6:Oh yeah, all seven yep, and I'm willing to do a wholesale as well. Look, I get it, it's it, it. It's not a very good movie per se, but the best part about this is it's cinema. You have a VHS tape. It looks like you have a couple standing over there. It allows people to get back into what was the calm reality. Grab popcorn, if you have it, just sit back, hang out with the family. After that, you go under the pool with the unicorn floatie On top of this. I'm doing a real big wholesale here today. I got a left zombie shoe with the zombies foot still in it.
Speaker 6:We know people have weird things going on in their lives. Kinks, weird kinks. Do with it as you wish. I'm just throwing that in there as a bonus, you know. But got movies, got floaties, picnic vibes. You know, I saw, like I said, saw that you guys have kids here, you guys guys have families here, pools and all that stuff. But I'm not gonna waste your time anymore. Whatever you want to buy, it's all here, oh uh. Wholesale prices are also available.
Speaker 8:Okay, okay. So how does this go? Am I buying each item?
Speaker 2:You can choose whatever you want with the money you've got.
Speaker 8:Oh, do I give them the whole 20, or we're going to break it down and see who wins. I want the squeaky toys, so I'll give you seven bottle caps for that, since there's seven of those. Thank you, I like the inflatable toy. So because it's a commodity? Yep, yeah, it is, I come out, so let's see, so I got 13. I'll give you. You want to take six. Six is a high come out, so let's see. So I got 13 left. I'll give you. You want to take six? Six of those that work.
Speaker 6:Yeah, I could take six. Do you plan on buying the seven VHS tapes at a wholesale price? I can do four bottle caps for all of them or bottle cap.
Speaker 4:I think a much more practical item is the lava lamp, because there's lots of uses when you take it apart.
Speaker 6:You said it was burnt out. You said it was burnt out. Who said anything about using it?
Speaker 4:as a lamp. We explained the purposes that you can use the components for it's much more practical.
Speaker 6:We'll let the gentleman figure it out. You did say it was a burnt out lamp.
Speaker 8:it doesn't work, it's okay it is uh, right now, I don't want the rat and I don't want the zombie foot. I don't really like feet.
Speaker 6:So so it's really going to come down between speed and the lava lamp and and and, sir, I want I want to bring up the point that you have VHS players, I see right over there. You know you have families here that bring back to reality. You know I'm giving you a wholesale seven of them for five bottle caps with everything with the unicorn. You get that as well on top of that, and then you know what I mean. You're talking 12 bottle caps for the unicorn. You get that as well on top of that, and then you know what I mean. You're talking 12 bottle caps for the unicorn and the seven VHS tapes. And it's a done deal right here. You don't need the boot. I'll leave the boot out.
Speaker 4:The lava lamp has much more use, Can use multiple times. I mean you watch.
Speaker 6:We can get a deal done 11 bottle caps and we're done.
Speaker 4:You watch it once and it's just like that. It wasn't even good the first time.
Speaker 6:Although, oh no, it's horrible, it brings reality, yeah, so I mean using the wax and the electrical components and then the glass container.
Speaker 4:those are Really you have several items that you could have just in this one lava lamp.
Speaker 6:So it's a steal at five. Five bottle caps. Well, I do notice you don't have many VHS tapes as well, but you know you have the VHS player. Get the tapes. 11 bottle caps for the unicorn.
Speaker 4:Also, I have been very respectful this entire time. I did not talk down about my opponent.
Speaker 6:You're respectful or you're trying to sell them bad product, but go on.
Speaker 8:Although I like the theme of the water and I have my floaty, and speed two does take place on a boat, it doesn't have Keanu Reeves, so we're not going to go with speed two. We will get that lot for the many uses, so I'm going to award the rest of the points to that, since I don't have. Thank you For the rat, the zombie foot.
Speaker 4:That's okay, I can keep the rat. It's okay, someone else can probably eat it. How many bottles you?
Speaker 6:could utilize the left. You could utilize the left boot. I can keep the zombie foot out. I mean, people are always on their feet. People are always doing it.
Speaker 4:You know, 11 total for the left boot. You got the floating for your kids. He already awarded the rest of the bottle caps to me.
Speaker 6:Sorry it's over. No, not yet.
Speaker 4:And then you got the seven VHS tapes. No, it's done, Thank you, move along.
Speaker 8:We'll move on to the next round, are we? If we're keeping track of the bottle caps, let's see it was seven. And then what six?
Speaker 5:Yeah, you offered six for that Lori got 14.
Speaker 2:Nice. I'm sorry, Brandon.
Speaker 1:You tried hard. Something comes to mind when I think about it.
Speaker 8:That was a hard sell, brandon, it really was.
Speaker 1:When I think about the lava lamp is that usually the top of the lava lamp was sealed with a bottle cap.
Speaker 8:Yeah, oh, oh, that's clever.
Speaker 4:I haven't opened one. You had your bottle cap.
Speaker 2:A whole other bottle cap.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's just one bottle cap laying around.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I would have sold the VHS tapes as building material, Like bricks that's, I think a viable use.
Speaker 4:You could take the tape out and use it to tie things.
Speaker 8:Tie up things, that's good.
Speaker 2:But I appreciate the family vibe. I've never seen Speed 2, so I don't know how bad this is.
Speaker 6:I would have been evil to sell it.
Speaker 2:That's horrible.
Speaker 6:I mean, you can't even make Speed 3. They can't even sell that movie.
Speaker 2:Are you ready for the next question, friends? Yes, don't forget the friend Nemi, part of your frenemy.
Speaker 4:Brandon, don't forget.
Speaker 2:It's a zombie apocalypse and you and Brandon are getting a divorce In this world. You've been married.
Speaker 6:You have kids. Sylvester is one of them, so is the already don't like this question so you don't want to get divorced. I was married to sylvester because he was the judge. I was like for the sake of this question.
Speaker 2:You two are married. It's the apocalypse. You don't actually have to go through the the paperwork of a divorce, right? You're just like I'm, I'm. I'm done with you. However, you have Sylvester and the rest of the audience. They're your children, sylvester, embody your best 12-year-old self here, and you have to convince Sylvester and the audience to choose you as the parent to go with into the wasteland Might as well, would you like to?
Speaker 4:Oh, you would like me to go first again.
Speaker 6:Yeah, yeah, go ahead honey.
Speaker 4:Okay, sylvester darling, this is really a no-brainer. You know your mommy, I can cook, I cook very well and we are very creative with how we cook. Right, your father has never cooked you a meal. In fact, I think he has burnt macaroni and cheese. I don't know how he did that, but he burnt macaroni and cheese once. So if you want to eat food, you definitely want to come with me.
Speaker 4:Secondly, I know how to make clothes. I knit, I sew, I crochet. I know how to make yarn, so you will always have something on your back. We can fix shoes. I have the knowledge of how to do these things. So as long as you and I work together and we scavenge the things needed, you will always have clothes on your back, which is super important. Right. Shoes on your feet, clothes on your back.
Speaker 4:Thirdly, you know your mom is a martial artist and I've been practicing for over 30 years, so I'm very skilled in not only hand-to-hand combat, but bladed weapons and gun disarms, and so you will feel safe with me. Not only can I stab a zombie through the eye, because I'm that precise, I know how to disarm that gun from the person that puts the gun to the back of our head. We will get out of that situation because I am proficient. Not only that, we are also versed in climbing trees, so we can get out of the way of zombies finding a place to stay. Protection you will be safe, fed and taken care of with your mom. I don't know if your dad really did any of those things. That was always something that was kind of my specialty and I mean again, the martial arts thing is just really unique to me. So, and I've been training you. You know your knife skills come from me Absolutely and I love you. Boo boo, let's go. Let's go on our adventure together.
Speaker 8:Okay, well, before I speak with dad pre-apocalypse, what is your stance on mcdonald's? Do we, uh, can we go, or do we have mcdonald's at home? We?
Speaker 4:can have. No, no, we can go to mcdonald's. Absolutely we can. Why would we not? Um, maybe we wouldn't go every day, because then we would get sick of mcdonald's. But um, yeah, we've been to mcdonald's quite a bit and I know that you have had your nugget meal. You've had your chance to go play in the ball pit. I have suspicion that that could be where the zombie virus started, in that ball pit, so I'm very happy that you did not contract it and we were able to save you from that. So going forward, we should go find a McDonald's and see if there's nuggets left. Okay, let's go on that adventure.
Speaker 8:Thank you, dad, you're up.
Speaker 6:Yeah. So, son, you know that your mother's a liar. So basically, I want to mention that. You know that I'm trained as well. In a sense of I'm a police officer. I have all those tactical kind of skills in the sense of shooting, taking down people, convincing other people to kind of stay away. We're not going to be next to people to really be, or them to be, a threat. We're going to be kind of in the woods doing our thing, hanging out like we usually do.
Speaker 6:Buddy, you remember all the days when we used to throw football, pigskin and all that stuff to each other, love football, and we used to watch the football games together, so just things of that nature. You know I'm going to be able to take care of you, buddy, and we're going to do this thing together, you and me, buddy. And as for the McDonald's question, I'm a huge. You know I love McDonald's. You know I always get the two cheeseburger meal. You get your kids meal, all the good stuff as well. You get your toys. But again, we're just gonna have fun, we're gonna stay alive, we're gonna keep moving, buddy. All right, okay.
Speaker 8:Okay.
Speaker 4:You might be naked, though, and hungry.
Speaker 6:I mean you have to have the fabric to even do the clothes. You don't have fabric.
Speaker 4:There's fabric everywhere.
Speaker 6:You've watched all zombie movies. You've never seen a movie that was just naked, except for like one. Clothes are going to be okay. Instead of taking the time of knitting, you just go into the house and go oh, there's clothes right here.
Speaker 4:We can fix clothes, we can fix shoes, and he's a growing boy. You don't even know. You don't even know what his teacher's name is this year at school. Do you do?
Speaker 6:my parent teacher conference no, I've been working my ass off to keep this family afloat. When? When is his doctor appointment? I've been working overtime, uh good for you.
Speaker 4:You don't need to work anymore. There is no paycheck to be had. The rest of of that responsibility falls on you.
Speaker 6:That's why I didn't know who his teacher was, because I was working 24-7. That's a bad dad, honey, Plus I always know, I always made time to play with my son. You know, throw the football with each other, throw the baseball and all the good stuff as well.
Speaker 4:We have to survive.
Speaker 1:I have to ask Sylvester, do you enjoy throwing the football?
Speaker 8:no, my dad doesn't know me fully, but that's okay. That's okay, we'll get to know each other in the apocalypse it's about spending time together and also I want to ask how.
Speaker 1:I think the point where we're, where we're closest, the converging point in the parenting styles is McDonald's, and how much time are each of you going to spend fulfilling the McDonald's needs.
Speaker 8:Yes, if I needed to go to McDonald's every day, if that's what we're looking for going to different McDonald's, because I eat french fries and nuggets.
Speaker 4:Is that really what you want? Boo Boo.
Speaker 8:That feasible?
Speaker 4:We will go take over a McDonald's and that will be our new home.
Speaker 6:We will stay there until supplies run out.
Speaker 4:After supplies run out, we'll go take over another McDonald's. We know there's one almost on every corner we can be. We will call ourselves the McDonald's and we will just move from restaurant to restaurant until we go through supply, do you?
Speaker 6:remember when you told our son no, we're not going to McDonald's, it's bad for you all the time. So that was part of our divorce and I'm going to take our son to McDonald's you cannot put words in my mouth.
Speaker 4:This is another reason why we're divorced Because you don't remember the things I say. Let him speak.
Speaker 8:I'm going to make this decision later on as a child of divorce. I would like to move on to the next question, please.
Speaker 4:Sorry, Sylvester. I should have had a drama warning for that Sylvester is getting triggered, are you sure?
Speaker 2:alright, let's move on.
Speaker 8:Yeah, oh, go ahead, sylvester oh no, I know the winner.
Speaker 2:I'll just let you guys know later, that's fair if you need a therapy session after this, we'll fit the bill.
Speaker 6:I don't know what the hell this is. What did you guys turn this into?
Speaker 2:well it it keeps going. If your competitor wrote a zombie survival guide, what title would it have and what's the worst piece of advice in it that they would give?
Speaker 4:So if Brandon wrote a survival guide, what's the title?
Speaker 6:And what's the name? We're naming it for the other person you're saying, right, yeah, okay, do I get 30? We're naming it for the other person.
Speaker 4:You're saying, right, okay do I get 30 seconds you?
Speaker 6:might. So what's the name of the book? And then what's the worst piece of advice they put in it? You're saying exactly.
Speaker 8:I just wanted to make sure I understood what they wrote and the worst advice they have in it.
Speaker 2:I'm secretly wondering what Sylvester's commentary would be for each of them at this point I'm just enjoying my popcorn? Yeah, I'm eating some popcorn also hilarious, you guys.
Speaker 4:When you both busted out the popcorn, I was chuckling stale does that mean you're ready, brandon hands up?
Speaker 8:yeah hands up. Who's going?
Speaker 6:I think, you should go first I think you should, okay, perfect, you know this. This poorly written survival guide, written by la, by Lori Calcaterra, is going to be called Sunshines and Rainbows, and the reason being is because she has a false fallacy of what the apocalypse is, and it's not a good one. She has a you know, she doesn't understand how it works and all that stuff as well, and her worst piece of advice is going to be finding the treasure at the end of the rainbow. Because she's still in this kid mentality that there's. You know this thing and it's just like whatever. It's just. You're not processing reality. It is what it is and that's what she's got. That's her biggest piece of advice is go find the rainbow and look at the treasure at the end of the rainbow. Horrible, stupid advice.
Speaker 4:It is what it is. You know you can't give advice. This is why we're divorced. You don't even know me. It's literally what you wrote. Brandon's survival guide is called. I must ask you a question, and the worst advice he has in here and this is directed at him, nobody else. If you lose your mom in the apocalypse, quit.
Speaker 6:Peace out. It's not worth it. I think you know it's actually kind of good, you know, in the sense of like you gave. You know that's your mother. I think I did better. I mean, it's your mother. You love your mother, yeah, instead of going down at the end of the rainbow and falling for a trick that you were told when you were a kid that a leprechaun is going to be down there. That's cute. You're arguing my point that Sylvester should choose me.
Speaker 4:That's what you're arguing.
Speaker 6:I'm arguing the point that it's a setup.
Speaker 4:Thank you, Brandon. Choose your mom every time.
Speaker 8:That was good.
Speaker 6:I think the rule is who has a dumber thing and yours is dumber. Thank you, Brandon.
Speaker 4:You're one that you wrote Sunshine andon.
Speaker 6:Thank you for the one that you wrote sunshine and rain. No, the one that you wrote is what I said your sunshine and rainbow sucks who's ever, whoever has the, whoever created the worst advice situation, is the winner yeah, yeah, and which, in my theory, would be me, yeah that's brandon checking out, because your mom checked out.
Speaker 8:That's a mama's boy thing. That's fine with me, I understand, I'm not gonna judge anybody, so, uh, but chasing the rainbow anyway, chasing the rainbow is, uh, probably not the best thing to go with. So yeah, that's a wild, wild idea. I'm going to award that to you, brandon. That was good, that was funny.
Speaker 4:I think mine will pay off in the long run. I think Val.
Speaker 8:Laurie just backdoored in that last round. You know, yeah, that was good.
Speaker 4:He admitted it.
Speaker 2:It's true, I'm contemplating whether we should just jump into the roasting round, because that's what this whole thing has been.
Speaker 8:Oh, it's been nothing but a roast, yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, in hindsight, why do we even have this yeah?
Speaker 6:Rude.
Speaker 4:I'm just going to throw it up there in advance to whatever he says, because I know it's not going to be nice.
Speaker 2:Well, to be fair, all of these questions are horrifying that I came up with. I apologize, but not really. I thought this introduction I was about to make for the roasting round would be a new part of the evolution of this episode, but it's already happening. Uh, but this is just the next level. I asked laurie and brandon to prepare their roasts to read each other for filth, so I need everybody to grab their shades, put them on.
Speaker 1:Oh, I need my shade.
Speaker 2:It's going to get real shady shadier than it's ever been Right now.
Speaker 1:We need our sunglasses to shade us from the shade.
Speaker 2:Yes, all right Press, play and experience this.
Speaker 5:I got out of bed at all the morning. Rain clouds up my window and I can't see at all. And even if I could, it would all be grey. Take a picture on my wall. It reminds me that it's not so bad. It's not so bad.
Speaker 7:It's even cold and I'm wondering why I got out of bed at all the morning. Rain clouds up my window and I can't see at all. And even if I could, it'd all be grey, but your picture on my wall. It reminds me that it's not so bad, it's not so bad.
Speaker 4:Dear Lori, I'm your biggest fan. I've backed the path of the pill writer since issue one and I've been there for every launch. The streams are so much fun. I unlocked all the tiers, bought the alternate covers and the Funko Pop. I even got that hot sauce man, it really tore me up. I backed every campaign and can't wait for the next issue to come out. I even liked that Wizard of Oz anthology you did, and catfish was tight. No doubt I know you're busy and I don't mean to bother, but it would be dope if I had a cameo, just something to ponder. I'm sorry to ask. I know it's a pretty big deal, but I love this comic so much I want to be inside it. I want it to be real. Please think about it. It would mean the world to me. It doesn't need to be anything big, just a couple of panels, something easy. I can send you a reference photo too. Hit me up, I'll make a plan. Draw me in Brand. Your comics biggest fan.
Speaker 7:It's gone cold and I'm wondering why I got out of bed at all the morning. Rain clouds up my window and I can't see at all. And even if I could, it'd all be gray, but your picture on my wall. It reminds me that it's not so bad. It's not so bad.
Speaker 4:Dear Lori, I sent you an email but I guess you haven't gotten it. I know you're busy, so I'll try my best to be patient. Maybe it went to spam. Sometimes it does that with too many caps in the subject. I'll send a message to your fan page asking if you checked in. Anyway, what's up? How's the comic?
Speaker 4:I read some spoilers online, lori, and the possibilities are astronomic. And what's the deal with that crazy old guy, dwayne Fieng? Every time he talks I have to stop a minute and think Does he have the answers or is he just some crazy dude? Are his intentions pure? And what's his obsession with Jude? I'm bouncing off the wall trying to solve this riddle, and the blister beetles blew my mind. It fucked me up a little. Then I learned that it actually exists and I wonder how it'd feel to have a thousand insects biting you and blistering your skin for real. I know it's messed up, but that's the kind of stuff I think about at night, wide awake sitting in the dark wondering if my cameo will look all right. I know I shouldn't get ahead of myself and I don't want to put too much pressure, but it would really mean so much to me if our worlds would come together.
Speaker 4:Think about it, lori. I could give Jude a hand. I could help him on his quest. I could be his best friend. We could find Prince together and ride off into the sunset. We could fix death as a team. I would be his biggest asset. This is why we should talk. I have so many ideas to share. Jude and I could pose for a cover naked with the bear. You should write me back. I could be the biggest fan you ever lose. Sincerely yours. Brand PS. I got a body pillow of Jude.
Speaker 7:It's cold and I'm wondering why I got out of bed at all the morning. Rain clouds up my window and I can't see at all. And even if I could, it'd all be gray, but your picture on my wall.
Speaker 5:It reminds me that it's not so bad, not so bad.
Speaker 4:Well, if it isn't, miss, it's too good to make you a reoccurring character in her comic book. This is the last time I ever voice message your ass. It's been four hours and still no response. Was it something I said? I know you saw that last message I sent. The delivery receipt was marked on red. So this voice message I'm sending you. I hope you hear it.
Speaker 4:I'm in the bathroom off the freeway, hey, lori, I just drank half of the pale sauce. Dare me to drive. You know that song by the Beatles Paul wrote for Lennon's son when John was going through the divorce with Cynthia and he tells him not to carry the world on his shoulders and not to play it cool to make the world colder. That's what you could have done, lori. I could have been in your comic, but it's too late now. I just guzzled all this hot sauce and I'm gonna vomit. It's too late now. My mouth's on fire and it's turning inside me and all I wanted was a cameo or an issue with me on the cover. I hope you know I ripped up all the fanfic of Jude with me as his lover. I, we could have been together and you ruined it.
Speaker 4:I'm in the bathroom, lori, the stalls are occupied and I have so much regret and my stomach turns with liquid fire, my butthole burns with a thousand suns and I can't sit still and I scream about it. You see, lori, stop barking. Goddammit, I'm trying to talk. You hear that, lori? That sad pancake in the stall. But I didn't shoot him, lori, I'm not a monster. Death isn't broken in this world. If he died, his suffering would be over. I gotta go, boy. I'm gonna shit my pants now. Fuck, I got no signal. How am I gonna send this shit out?
Speaker 7:I'm wondering why I got out of bed at all the morning. Rain clouds up my window and I can't see at all. And even if I could, it'd all be gray, but your picture on my wall. It reminds me that it's not so bad. It's not so bad.
Speaker 4:Dear Brynn, sorry I took so long to write you back. Things got busy With Kickstarter and all I've been running circles. I'm still in a tizzy. Thanks so much for watching the streams. It means a lot to me. And as for Dwayne Fink, you'll have to read the next issue and see. I'm really flattered at how much you love the comic and all your support helps us reach our goals. It's astronomic. If you want a cameo in the next issue, man, just say the word. You got it.
Speaker 4:But what's with all the stuff about you wanting to get naked with Jude and the bear? Maybe not on the cover, dude, but I'll think about it. I swear. I think you should talk to someone, though you have a heavy hand. Try to understand, friend. Jude is just an imaginary man. It's a story I made up years ago. None of this is real life. Try to take a step back and spend some time with your wife. I don't want you to end up like this guy on the news. He shit himself to death after drinking hot sauce. Come to think of it, his name was he was you, damn. But what happened to sad pancake?
Speaker 8:I'm crying, oh my god.
Speaker 1:Let me adjust my crown. I fogged up my sunglasses. I have to take them off.
Speaker 2:I was crying, are you okay, brandon?
Speaker 6:It is what it is.
Speaker 4:That's epic is what it is.
Speaker 8:Do you have a video, Brandon? No video.
Speaker 6:Oh, okay, here's the thing. Look after seeing it and again, just like how the beginning of the video said, unbeknownst to me you're the champ. Wow, you're the champ that you've submitted me. I mean, what do I?
Speaker 2:you don't even want to deliver your roast, brandon no, that's it I mean?
Speaker 6:what do I say?
Speaker 8:turn them in the stand. Oh my god here.
Speaker 2:oh god, are you gonna mustache? Are you gonna remove your? Oh God, are you going to mustache?
Speaker 5:Are you going?
Speaker 2:to remove your mustache right now? No, bran, what's happening?
Speaker 4:Get out of here with that ring. What is with you, Laurie? You gotta give us your roast. That's the second time All of our enemies show up with rings.
Speaker 6:There's no roast.
Speaker 8:The roast was done. This is insane.
Speaker 6:All the built-up animosity was back to that six minute ender right there okay, so um, so brandon forfeited is that what's going on?
Speaker 1:I didn't foresee this as a possibility.
Speaker 2:I mean I guess it's good because you guys were tied, so that that's good there was one more question I had for you all, though, and I would love it if you would humor me, just because, even if you forfeited, brandon, that's very laurie. I know you might not want to admit it, but very, I think very, uh, what's the word I'm looking for? Um, humble of you, brandon, to acknowledge that was very nice, the brilliance, uh. But but I did have a finale around called the power of friendship, and I think it's really important that we round up with it oh I would like each of you to tell us why the other person would be your ultimate friend to have in the zombie apocalypse.
Speaker 2:Looking for sincerity, quirks, skills, their loyalty. Take a minute and think about it. But this is about the power of your friendship underneath all of the enemy. Let's get back to the friend part.
Speaker 1:Back to the friend.
Speaker 8:The enemy's gone. Let it out.
Speaker 4:I was like let it out, you better not. You better give that ring to your wife.
Speaker 6:No, it's not Off the record, it's not a real ring, it's my.
Speaker 1:It's not even real.
Speaker 8:It's a fake proposal.
Speaker 4:This is why we're divorced. It's a prop ring, just kidding. Alright, so in the apocalypse, both Brandon and I can fight, just so you know. He's great at long range, I'm great at short range, and either one of us can be a decoy. I think we would be unstoppable. Taking out other humans. Yeah, we can have. Everybody can take out slow-moving zombies. Good luck taking out fast-moving zombies. But I think between Brandon and I we could work out. We could be singing Little Mermaid songs back and forth and definitely take out the opposition, like Negan would never catch us, nah.
Speaker 2:What do?
Speaker 4:you love most about Brandon Laurie.
Speaker 2:What do I love?
Speaker 4:about Brandon. What made you marry him?
Speaker 1:in the first place.
Speaker 4:Brandon and I are not married Yet. He didn't produce that ring Stop it.
Speaker 1:Even if it is fake.
Speaker 4:I'm sorry, say the question again, sylvester, I'll let you ask it all right, larry, what do you love about brandon? In a zombie apocalypse or is a real person?
Speaker 8:yes, like in in the in, I'm gonna go with the zombie apocalypse.
Speaker 1:I don't know um brandon in the apocalypse is very dependable and loyal that's good just on top of being what doesn't have to what just in the apocalypse, though not in real life no, no in general yeah, um, he's very loyal and I think that you know, uh, it, we'll talk for real life, like just speaking about how we both started, you know, creating comic books around the same time.
Speaker 4:We're still friends, we still support each other, not only our campaigns, but like we share resources, we share contacts. Stop yawning when I'm trying to compliment you Well the camera was on you.
Speaker 6:I was in the background, like you would have had the spotlight.
Speaker 2:Now people know Not on the recording Brandon, Everybody's eating in the recording.
Speaker 4:Be nice, I'm trying to give you a compliment. Anyway, as a friend, I always want Brandon on my team. Whenever I'm freaking out about Kickstarter or publishers or whatever, brandon always has an ear that I can borrow and vent. And again it's just it's. He's great in the apocalypse because we would, we would shoot all the people. Yeah, how's that?
Speaker 8:Thumbs back to your serial killer duo in the apocalypse.
Speaker 4:We would totally be a serial killer duo, all right.
Speaker 1:I get why you hate him.
Speaker 4:Stop saying that.
Speaker 2:out loud this goes on the internet. All of you are frozen for me, Am I not? Oh no.
Speaker 8:That's just you, I think, I think it's. Yeah, it's just you. I can see you move no, oh my god.
Speaker 2:It just quit all of zoom. Fuck zoom recording. Stopped fuck zoom, oh my god no no, no, no no it's done. Well, folks, I'm just gonna come in here briefly and say that we lost the internet and hopefully we have all of the video and audio. But we're back. We're back, baby, we're back. And just in time, brandon, for you to tell us why laurie would be your best friend in the zombie apocalypse uh, yeah a lot of it.
Speaker 6:You know not to be cliche, but a lot of the things that she mentioned. Not to be cliche, but a lot of the things that she mentioned. You know about me she has a lot of those similar qualities. You know she is loyal, she is a good person in general to just kind of be, you know around, be a friend with and really a good resource in this. You know kind of indie community as well and you know to second it as well, like just when you're having like the stress of the Kickstarter or whatever going on, just bullshit in general, uh, it's good to just vent and she she listens and all that.
Speaker 6:But I, you know, in the zombie setting it's similar to.
Speaker 6:I think we have we both have it in our own way Uh, the will to not die and I always say it just in my everyday thing Anyways, thing anyways, like to my family, I was like, no matter what, I will not die, I won't give into it, uh, and I think she has that as well and I think in that with that duo together in the zombie apocalypse it would just be tragic for anybody else around.
Speaker 6:I mean, physically I'm in no shape to do anything, but I could get there it's. It's about like the, it's about more so for me, the, uh, you know, the mental stuff and the physical stuff comes later and uh, laurie, mentally, you know, has all those attributes you'd want in a companion if it's in the zombie apocalypse or just, uh, doing what we're doing now. You know, podcasts creating and all that as well. Um, but she, she is truly, you know, a really good person, really good friend to have, you know, a part of this whole journey in comic making, content creating and zombie apocalypse, killing and fun stuff oh, we're friends for real I feel like this is a necessary end.
Speaker 2:Uh, sylvester brandon forfeited the crown. How was this experience for you to witness and to judge it?
Speaker 8:It was funny and it was awkward. I did have moments where I flashback to my own divorce things, but I had a great time and I was definitely. Well, I wasn't surprised because after seeing that video I really wasn't surprised that you gave up. There's no comeback. There's no comeback to that and that goes part of her character.
Speaker 6:You know she brings it and um, and you know a side note ahead of time. That was always on my mind anyway, I knew that was coming. You know Lori and everything she does. She brings it and you're getting a hundred percent of Lori in every category of things, and that meant that six minute video just buried me.
Speaker 8:That was. That was amazing so you know I had a great time. I had a great time. I don't know, I don't know. I'd love to do this again, but I don't see how we would.
Speaker 1:I don't think anyone would be foolish enough to challenge the crown again.
Speaker 4:Oh no, we're not doing that again.
Speaker 2:What would you do for Halloween? Yeah, zombie show. You'll be back up against each other. Sylvester and laurie and brandon, I just expect you not to show up again.
Speaker 8:So as long as she doesn't record a diss track, I think I'm gonna. I think okay, I mean, you can't count on that but the minute she shows up with videos, I'm just, I'm out, I'm out.
Speaker 1:I think in the future I think it's probably just a good idea to just show up with a diss track ready to go.
Speaker 8:Yeah it's a diss track. I have about five videos waiting.
Speaker 4:I had a record one for Brandon too that we didn't even play.
Speaker 6:Yeah, that was going to be something for the build up for it. I was going to you know, because it's coming out what the well? This is off the air, I would imagine, but the 24th, yeah. So I was going to make something for, like, the up and coming getting prepared for it.
Speaker 8:This is hilarious. You guys, you guys are awesome. I definitely love the fact that you guys are so connected and you're helping each other get through this, because indie publishing is hard and now you guys are doing comic books, so I know that's even harder. So, like it's good that you guys have each other. That's great Is that the real lesson here, sylvester Friendship, yeah, yeah, it's always good to have friends to pull you through everything, and clearly Lori is an amazing friend because you don't need her as an enemy since she's distressed.
Speaker 6:Yeah there ain't no beating it, so you got to keep your enemies close. Keep your frenemies close, yeah.
Speaker 2:Oh, my goodness, that was great. Was there a favorite part of the battle for everybody, like the thing that you're going to be remembering at two o'clock in the morning?
Speaker 8:I'm going to show my wife the video.
Speaker 4:I was going to say I think the body pillow of June takes the cake.
Speaker 1:Is that going to be a stretch?
Speaker 4:tear it might be now.
Speaker 6:Can I be on the body pillow? No?
Speaker 2:What if you did two body pillows of them cuddling together?
Speaker 4:You can make your own body pillow Brandon.
Speaker 6:You didn't trademark that or anything.
Speaker 4:No, I think you can get them made on Etsy, but you can make the one of you. I'll make the one of Jude and see how many people one of Jude.
Speaker 1:Jude body pillow for your Kickstarter, and then, when we go over to the Avalon Kickstarter, we get the Brandon body pillow.
Speaker 4:Brandon, not Andy. We don't get the Andy one.
Speaker 6:No, you're going to get the shirtless Brandon one.
Speaker 4:I don't want the shirtless Brandon one Reversible.
Speaker 2:Lori, how does it feel to know you successfully defended your crown. You don't have to get rid of it oh, it feels good.
Speaker 4:It feels good because one I was really worried that I was gonna have to ship this yeah, shipping sucks leah knows um.
Speaker 4:When she shipped it to me I was like, wow, all the things you have to do to protect this. So when I came in, I was like I was pretty confident, but as it was going on, I was like I don't know um. But I'm so glad, I'm so glad I got to keep the crown. This is my baby. It's the first one, of course, and I show this off. It's part of my title on uh, all the things in my bio.
Speaker 8:So I'm so glad I get to keep the zombie ween crown I was just saying I was glad we didn't have to do a tiebreaker. I don't think I like judging it's hard, no, wonder we asked you.
Speaker 2:So when are we going to see you wax off your mustache, Brandon?
Speaker 8:Wax it off.
Speaker 6:Do you need wax?
Speaker 1:Because, we can send you wax.
Speaker 8:It's in the lava lamp.
Speaker 6:Yeah, yeah, you got to make it from the lava lamp. Spencer's got to make it in the lava lamp. Yeah, yeah, you got to make it from the lava lamp.
Speaker 4:Sylvester's got to make it from the lava lamp. Oh, I should have given that answer. That would have been genius.
Speaker 2:Show it to us being mailed. We need to see it going into the mail with Lori's name on it, not her full address, though it's not Doc's Lori today. Is it considered a biohazard?
Speaker 4:I'm just kidding.
Speaker 8:Sy semester. Do you want a hair as like a memento? No, thank you, I'm good.
Speaker 2:I thought you said a bit. You said you're good okay.
Speaker 6:I'm good. Is it even possible to wax off a mustache? Hell yeah, it's gonna hurt. It's not getting waxed, it'll get fine printed do me a favor.
Speaker 4:Here's what you're going to do. You're going to shave it, collect the hairs and get like a piece of like that clear packing tape. Okay, put all the hair on the packing tape and then put another piece of tape over it, so it's sealed.
Speaker 1:I don't want to open it like a glitter bob.
Speaker 6:Yeah, no.
Speaker 4:I also want to frame it and put it on my wall, so I need it to be like.
Speaker 6:I got to make it look pretty. Now I got to make it look like a mustache.
Speaker 4:Yeah, that'd be awesome.
Speaker 6:I don't know how that's going to be possible, but I'll figure it out.
Speaker 1:You have to put the packing tape on first and then shave it.
Speaker 4:Or cut out a piece of masking tape in the shape of a mustache.
Speaker 1:Okay, pick up the hairs with that first and then put it in between two clear pieces, that way laurie can wear it.
Speaker 4:Yes, just weird guys this is getting creepy.
Speaker 2:I am sure that everybody listening has fallen in love with each of you a little bit more, so I would love to know before we finish up. First of all, thank you for going so hard at each other. That was traumatizing and also, like my red, my nervous system does feel re-regulated after the power of friendship chat, uh. But I would love to know what is one thing you want to promote today and where can folks find you? Sylvester, go first oh, um wait.
Speaker 8:What was that again?
Speaker 2:What do you want to promote today and where can folks find?
Speaker 8:you Okay. So in the theme of zombies, I do have my Planet Dead series and that's three books in. I'm working on book four right now and I have Dead Soil, which is about the zombie apocalypse that was started by the transatlantic slave trade, and it's just zombies and pirates and a whole bunch of good times. So that's what I'd like to plug in. You can reach me at, uh, sylvester Barzycom and at Sylvester Barzy on all social media channels, but I'm only on Instagram most of the time, so get me there.
Speaker 2:That's where we hang Brandon Um grandma sometimes.
Speaker 6:So get me there. That's where we hang brandon. Um, I have avalon uh comic on all social media platforms. Right now we're going to be or pretty soon we're going to be releasing issue six for the public, uh, which will be the final installment of season one of avalon um. That'll be available for everybody for purchase to kind of get the finale of season one and get that moving. Um other than that, we're kind of just working on a remastered issue one for issue one and then we're going to be working towards the trade paperback and then that's basically that. Just make sure you're following us on all social medias. Go to our website, sign up for our newsletter and you'll get notified of future things coming out. And make sure you get your Avalon on. I make sure you get your Avalon on. I just came up with that. Now, get your Avalon on.
Speaker 4:Lori, I'm Lori Calcaterra, reigning first zombie wing queen. You can find my issue number seven. Late pledges are still turned on in the Kickstarter, so if you would like to get a copy of the book and then it will be out this fall as soon as things are complete so you will get to see what happens to Jude St Clair on his journey to figure out what broke death as he breaks into the undead retirement community. If you don't know what any of that means, oh my gosh, I'm so ready for you to join our path. Also, you can find my new single, bran. We'll be releasing that, so if you would like to download that on Spotify just kidding, it's not going to be there, but you can find me on social media.
Speaker 4:I'm on all of the socials, either as Lori Calcaterra or path of the pale writer. You should join our Facebook group. We are currently naming an undead pig. Kevin Bacon is in the lead. So if you want to put in your two cents, join the group, and thank you very much for having us on the show. This was a blast, 100%.
Speaker 2:Y'all are some of our favorite creators. This was truly so much fun. Thank you, brandon, for coming up to me and saying you wanted to steal Lori's crown. A wonderful moment at Living.
Speaker 6:Dead. I did want to mention. I want some sort of royalties from that, since my name is mentioned in that song.
Speaker 4:I was going to say, brandon, you showed my faith.
Speaker 6:The moneymaker right here. I want 50% royalties.
Speaker 1:I mean to be fair. He did do the hook.
Speaker 4:Yeah, yeah, and the hook. I mean I did the rest of it, Dan wrote it.
Speaker 1:Dan wrote it. Dan wrote it, slander.
Speaker 2:You're letting everybody know this was rigged, lori, what it was rigged.
Speaker 6:I knew it. I knew it was rigged. Oh my God, I take back my forfeit.
Speaker 4:I had to do it, though. I had to do it Just because it existed, doesn't mean that anything was going to happen. I had to do all the work.
Speaker 1:When did I send that? That's funny.
Speaker 2:Dan's been working on it for months, ever since Living Dead Weekend, and then Wednesday you sent it to Lori and said do what you will.
Speaker 8:She's been dissing you for months, wow.
Speaker 4:We sent it on Wednesday and I thought about it and then I started working it on Wednesday night, thursday. So I mean like this was like overnight cram session, like get it all in Overnight success, yeah, and I mean like I was literally finishing it at 12. When I was logging on, it was still rendering, so I was like gee, I hope it works.
Speaker 2:And then everything went wrong with technology, but it made it happen, correct.
Speaker 8:Dan, you have a future in parody music.
Speaker 5:This is a no contest.
Speaker 1:Yeah, they call me weird Dan.
Speaker 6:I'm waving this at no contest, no contest.
Speaker 4:Too late. You already forfeited.
Speaker 2:I love how the moment of friendship just went away. I started this as part two.
Speaker 4:We're getting the promo ready for it.
Speaker 8:No're not.
Speaker 2:You were tied and robbed uh it's okay this was, um, I'm a little sad it's over because I've been really looking forward to this. Couldn't sleep last night, the anticipation and sylvester, I'm serious, I didn't realize the the re-traumatization that would happen and I will pay for you one therapy session to talk it through um I was sitting there, I was just like well I don't know.
Speaker 5:I was like we probably should have asked yeah yeah, it was a last minute idea.
Speaker 1:Do we need a content?
Speaker 4:between mom and dad. I I'm 12.
Speaker 2:Were you literally 12 Sylvester.
Speaker 8:Huh, when I was 12, when they were getting divorced.
Speaker 2:Were you 12?
Speaker 8:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I was like 12 or 11. Oh no, hey, chosen family, right? That's kind of what we are here.
Speaker 1:For me it was my second divorce, so it wasn't that big of a deal, I understand I got my first, most traumatizing one out of the out of the way before I could even process and record memories.
Speaker 2:So yeah, got all the interesting damage in right away well, thanks everybody for listening uh, this has been and watching. Hopefully, if this works, this has been an experience when I never knew that I was going to sign up for, and I hope that this makes you all even more excited for 2025 zombie ween game show. Sylvester and Lori will be there and a couple of new folks maybe Brandon will show up.
Speaker 1:We'll see yeah, we'll see he's shaking his head.
Speaker 8:He'll be there, after all this rigged stuff, I call dibs on dance. Find someone else to write your music.
Speaker 1:Everybody's got to show up with a diss track.
Speaker 4:You have to do the work, though that was like two days of work.
Speaker 1:And everybody shows up with a diss track, but it's all written by me.
Speaker 4:That'd be amazing.
Speaker 1:Yes, then it will be down to video editing skills yeah, yeah let's say goodbye everybody, goodbye everybody thanks for joining the zombie book club. What an episode that was, boy I. I really want to know how people feel after that episode. You could do that by. You could send us a voicemail with your reaction to what you just witnessed, up to three minutes 614-699-0006. Also if you want to give us some support, give us a rating or a review. We love it. Five stars, please, I mean.
Speaker 2:I think this was a five-star episode. It was a five-star fight.
Speaker 1:Yeah, unless you're a child of divorced parents.
Speaker 2:And they yelled a lot when you were a kid, then this might feel reminiscent.
Speaker 1:Yes, you can also sign up for our newsletter and follow us on Instagram at ZombieBookClubPodcast. That's another good place to tell us what you thought about this episode when we put out some stuff about it over there. Um, also, you could join the brain munchers collective on discord. All the links there down there in those show notes, along with the links to the uh creators in this episode and uh, don't forget the the uh, the elevator pitch at the beginning. That's all of that information that's down there. You could just click on it.
Speaker 2:it's one click away and you could go to those places support the comic creators and authors that were a part of this episode. They're all incredible storytellers and you will not regret reading their stuff um. The final lesson and comment for today is that the power of friendship can save you in the apocalypse, even when the end is nigh. So please, Zombesties, don't die.
Speaker 1:Bye, bye, bye, bye.
Speaker 2:Love you. It's going to be okay everybody, it's going to be okay.
Speaker 1:It's going to be okay. Mom and dad are getting back together.
Speaker 2:Or not. I don't want mine to.
