Zombiechosis: Are We All Undead on the Inside? | Casual Dead | Zombie Book Club Podcast Episode 33

Welcome back to the Zombie Book Club, where your hosts, Dan and Leah, take a deep dive into the curious and potentially groundbreaking concept of Zombiechosis. This episode, we're stepping away from our usual undead narratives to explore a mental health phenomenon that's yet to be recognized in the DSM but feels eerily familiar to our modern lives.

Inspired by the distress seen in captive animals, known as zoochosis, we ponder if humans are experiencing a similar fate, dubbing it Zombiechosis. Through a checklist that compares our lifestyle to our species-specific needs, we explore how modern society's detachment from nature, movement, social connectivity, and sensory engagement might be leading us towards a zombified existence. Are we nurturing our human essence, or are we merely surviving in a habitat that resembles life but lacks its substance? Join us in this thought-provoking episode as we dissect whether we're more Homo sapien or zombie, and what that means for our future. Don't forget to subscribe for more undead discussions mixed with real-life anecdotes and listener interactions that make our book club anything but dead.


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Transcript

Speaker 1 0:20

Welcome to the Zombie Book Club, the only book club where the book is a habitat designed to look like your natural environment, but not exactly, because all the plants are fake and the light is artificial and you get all of your food and water from tubes on the wall that you have to lick. I'm Dan, and when I'm not adding enrichment to my habitat, I'm writing a book about a woman trying to get inside the Quarantine New York City to find her parents, only to realize that it's under constant military bombardment and has to accept that her parents are most likely dead or worse. Oh no, yeah, it's a fun read.

Speaker 3 0:54

I mean that's pretty par for the course. Usually people you love are dead in the apocalypse. That's true. I'm Leah and when I am not drawing zombie chicken skulls for the t-shirt we are working on, I am napping as much as humanly possible because it's still winter and I'm allowed to hibernate in the winter. I might be a little harder on myself at the summertime.

Speaker 1 1:14

Yeah, winters for hibernating and eating soup.

Speaker 3 1:20

And frozen pizza.

Speaker 1 1:23

Oh, so much frozen pizza. The great thing about frozen pizza in the winter is it's just pizza.

Speaker 3 1:30

It's true, your jokes are like I need a pregnant pause before I get them. Today, I'm loving it. Today we are talking about a new mental health disorder that is not yet, but soon will be in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders you mean the DSM. The DSM, yeah, but I had to look up what the DSM stands for.

Speaker 2 1:50

The.

Speaker 3 1:50

Diagnostic and Statistical. It's hard work to say Manual of Mental Disorders, the DSM, but it we. I believe it will soon be and it is called ZombieCosis.

Speaker 1 2:01

Zombie. That sounds great. Let's get some of that. Yes, we release episodes every Sunday, so make sure you subscribe or follow or do whatever the button tells you. Do what the button says you are a zombie now. Do what it says. Throw in for the horde, push the button, eat the food, lick the water tube.

Speaker 2 2:22

Ew.

Speaker 1 2:24

I mean you get your own water tube. It's not like you got to lick everyone's water tube.

Speaker 3 2:29

I've always wanted to drink out of a water tube because of that little ball that stops it.

Speaker 1 2:34

I was just really curious like what the experience of that is my art. Our water bottle is designed like this I want to roll the water bottle on my tongue to get water out of it? And also, why do we make hamsters? Do it that way, it's not very nice.

Speaker 3 2:47

Maybe they like it, I don't know. Maybe they do. I don't know how hamsters drink in a while.

Speaker 1 2:50

They get water out of it, so I guess they're getting something in return.

Speaker 3 2:54

So, if you haven't guessed it, this is a casual dead episode, so we're going to start with our typical life updates.

Speaker 1 3:00

Yeah, You've got to suffer through us talking about ourselves Yep every time.

Speaker 3 3:04

But then we're going to complete a six-question diagnostic to determine if either of us, or maybe you listeners, are actually suffering from zombie coses. Is this a Buzzfeed quiz? Well, you were telling me about that copywriting course you were taking and how you like. It's just true that if you add numbers, it sounds fancy.

Speaker 1 3:22

Six reasons you might be a zombie.

Speaker 3 3:23

Yeah, that's basically this episode.

Speaker 1 3:26

That's the title now Give a give if there's an option to give a like. Give a like if this title is six reasons, you might be a zombie.

Speaker 3 3:34

We will already have made that decision when they listen.

Speaker 1 3:36

But hey, yeah, you can let us know. I don't know. Right now, though, while we're recording, I have no idea.

Speaker 3 3:41

We dive into our zombie coses. Diagnosis that rhymes. That was really not intentional. My rhymes are never intentional Anyhow, Dan.

Speaker 1 3:48

Leah spits mad rhymes. I do. She's spitting hot fire, white lady rhymes and cold tea.

Speaker 3 3:56

It was hot.

Speaker 1 3:57

It was hot at one point.

Speaker 3 3:59

Wow, we're unhinged, as usual.

Speaker 1 4:00

What are we?

Speaker 3 4:01

doing, Going to ask you Dan.

Speaker 1 4:03

What have you been up to? Oh, yes. Well, here's a little life update for both of us, because we both got tattoos. This is my first tattoo, leah, this is your fourth tattoo One, two, three, four.

Speaker 3 4:19

In my mind I have a lot more because there's a lot I want, but also it's really hard to justify financially, especially when I had a horse in my life. So now that I don't, I can spend some of that money on tattoos.

Speaker 1 4:32

Yeah, so we both got tattoos. The tattoo that we have. We'll probably post a picture of it on Instagram, maybe.

Speaker 3 4:40

We should figure out. Actually, you know, we could just post it and not say what it is, let's not describe it here and that will give us an indication of the age range of our listeners.

Speaker 1 4:47

Well, they're not going to hear this for a week anyway, so they're going to have to go back in time to find this True. So we so both of Leah and I, when we were just we youngsters, we met on the internet. And because we went on the internet, we decided to get a picture of a small green flower with one red petal on it, and if you know what that is, you're an elder millennial and you were lonely and on the internet a lot because you lived in a rural area like us or Gen X.

Speaker 1 5:24

I know Gen X or something horrifying.

Speaker 3 5:26

Sometimes I think that I'm like almost a Gen X and it makes me shudder, and that just shows you that the divisiveness like this forced division of this concept of generations works, because I'm like EW, gen X.

Speaker 1 5:37

So, anyways, this flower is the. It's the icon of a instant messaging chat program called, I see, q.

Speaker 3 5:44

Yeah, look at the letters. I seek you.

Speaker 1 5:48

Well, I see you, it's a play on words, on letters, on letters. It's a letters on words. And yeah, so we got that flower because we both met on, I see, q and it changed our lives because we met each other. We have a long history that we won't talk about right now, but maybe in a later episode might defaults our long, twisty, turny tale of finally coming back together many, many, many years in the future.

Speaker 3 6:21

Yeah, it's a good one. I might actually write it one day, because I'm I like our love story.

Speaker 1 6:25

Yeah, I was telling somebody on threads I'm part of the writing community Shout out, and we were talking about romance novels and how like they really can't go past a certain length because there's only so many times that somebody can like be confused about circumstances to cause enough drama for it to be interesting. And I'm like I don't know, ours is really long and also it involves a war.

Speaker 2 6:53

A woman.

Speaker 1 6:54

Yeah, and a twisting turning tale that involves multiple different romances that didn't pan out, and then a few times trying it with each other, and then finally getting married. Yes, that's exactly how it happened. I feel like it could be like 600 pages at least.

Speaker 3 7:12

I think it'd be a good 600 pages. I I really love our love story. The short version is we met when we were 14 and 15. Online, we've known each other for 26 years. We've been together for five, yeah.

Speaker 1 7:22

Married for three yeah.

Speaker 3 7:26

Because it was our anniversary. Our anniversary is on Valentine's Day, not intentionally, for the record.

Speaker 1 7:31

It's our getting back together anniversary.

Speaker 3 7:33

Yeah, I feel like they urged to tell all these details. We're not going to. It just happened to be that we reunited on Valentine's Day, literally a trick of fate, not our own choice, and also my grandparents on my mom's side were married on Valentine's. Day and they were together for more than 70 years before they died, so it's sort of special to me that we share that date with them.

Speaker 1 7:52

Yeah, and then we have other updates. I did some really good writing this week and I'm really happy about it. Yeah, I don't get a whole lot of writing time to write in the week, but I try to hit like a certain weekly number instead of like a daily number that some writers do. That's smart, so I hit that number pretty easily. Actually, I can actually write a lot when I have time to just sit down and do it.

Speaker 3 8:18

Yeah, I think you've gotten into the flow, as they say.

Speaker 1 8:21

But I wrapped up a major story arc and that made me feel pretty good. It's not the whole book, don't get excited. It's not coming out next week, but it could be a novella. It is long enough to be a novella, it is true, but I'm pretty happy about it.

Speaker 1 8:34

And also, another thing that I've been dealing with this week is I'm coming to terms with to the extent that the army has injured me. Yeah, I spent some time in the army and most of my life I've minimized my pain and I've ignored it and I've just been like no, the problem is me. I'm just a messed up individual and a person that just like. Maybe it's just that I'm lazy and don't feel like exercising that much, not because my knees and my ankles and my back and my neck and my shoulders and my elbows and my fingers and my wrists all hurt All the time, all the time, and I'm depressed. No, I'm kind of coming to terms with that. I've talked a little bit about this, especially on threads. I had a whole thread going on. A lot of support out there on threads.

Speaker 3 9:22

Yeah, thanks, thread, I mean, since I'm really mixed Threadites deadites. Oh my God, I love it.

Speaker 1 9:28

Yeah, Leah, what have you been up to?

Speaker 3 9:30

Wow, that was like a hard pivot after being like I'm depressed and every part of my body hurts all the time.

Speaker 1 9:35

Are you depressed and does every part of your body hurt all the time?

Speaker 3 9:39

Not all of it, but I do think that, like the army, the military is not my favorite institution in the world. It loves to prey on young men who come from really impoverished backgrounds and have no other option. So at the very least the VA, Veterans Affairs, owes you. Frankly, I think in like whatever your feelings are about war, obviously I think it shouldn't be surprising to anyone that I am all about demilitarization and, like I don't know, reallocating some of that budget, a large portion of that budget, to anything else but the fucking military.

Speaker 1 10:16

But education is a good one.

Speaker 3 10:17

Yeah, I'll just say briefly that veterans very often have been indoctrinated slash don't have a lot of other choices. Like they deliver, they deliberately target poor communities and communities of color to recruit. It is very intentional. You can see it on a fucking map. So, anyways, I think you should get every thing you deserve from the VA anymore.

Speaker 1 10:38

Yeah, I might just hire a lawyer. Actually, I think you should. I'm not going to sue the VA First of all, but if you hire a lawyer they can actually help you a lot and like getting them to like listen.

Speaker 3 10:51

Yeah, I mean you're. The thing that really made us thinking more about this was not going to say your percent disability rating, because that's private, but basically Dan's sister at Christmas time is a physical therapist.

Speaker 1 11:03

Yeah.

Speaker 3 11:04

And she heard the percentage and was like what that's it?

Speaker 2 11:08

Yeah.

Speaker 3 11:09

She's like you need to get that re-evaluated. That is not even close and like she, has like that all. She needs to see Dan. For how many years?

Speaker 1 11:15

I don't know, since, like 2017.

Speaker 3 11:17

Yeah, and like she, just she, you know, she knew more about you in a way than I think you did, and it was like sort of a light bulb moment she realized, yeah, you don't have to just suffer valiantly about this. I'm so valiant, you are my valiant, gallant dapper Dan, in terms of you know what's been going on with me, with us. We just had some of our prepper friends visit us from Brooklyn. They're coming up here for a wedding planning. Congratulations, congratulations, in case you don't want me to, but really happy about it. Thank you, wonderful. Please move to Vermont and all of our friends.

Speaker 1 11:52

we just want those. We're just like wherever you live, just move.

Speaker 3 11:55

Yeah, let's move here, start our intentional community. We should just move into our HOA, displace all of the old people that are here that we don't like. That sounds fucking terrible and agist. And start like a true, like full on commune up here.

Speaker 1 12:11

Let's start a cult.

Speaker 3 12:13

Yeah, the cult of the zombie apocalypse.

Speaker 1 12:16

Zombie cult.

Speaker 3 12:16

I love it. We're preparing for the zombie apocalypse up here, but anyhow, that was really fun to get together. It's always wonderful and uplifting to talk with somebody who I actually think, in my opinion, feels worse about the future than Dan and I do. They really, I think so, yeah.

Speaker 1 12:32

Oh, I didn't know that it's pretty dark. Yeah, I mean, I did have some feels, but I didn't know was worse than the two people who started a podcast about the apocalypse for fun.

Troll Rant Sparks Fiery Podcast Discussion

Speaker 3 12:45

You should talk to them more about it. We had quite a discussion last time my friend came to visit. All right, so that's my big one. My most important life update, though, is podcast related, and it's something that is a milestone for us we got our first troll rant.

Speaker 1 13:03

Oh yeah, we got a fucking essay which episode was it? It was the CDC episode, the comic that the CDC released. Oh okay, they made a comic about a zombie apocalypse to help people get into a preparedness mindset.

Speaker 3 13:24

Yeah, and we're going to do a whole casual dud just about this unhinged rant we received because it's highly entertaining. But in a nutshell, it seems like I upset when we mentioned the BecDell test, which is a reminder for folks.

Speaker 1 13:35

That was just the first paragraph.

Speaker 3 13:38

This podcast was fine until they mentioned the BecDell test Immediately.

Speaker 1 13:41

I'm like you don't know us, do you? They started getting woke around episode 26.

Speaker 3 13:49

Yeah, BecDell test just saying it again if you're new and haven't heard of it before is a basic test of equity in film for women, which is that you have to have two women talking to each other or something other than a man. It's the fucking basement of feminism. It's so low of a standard. But anyways, that really upset him and I'm going to read one sentence of this very long essay and we're each going to give a hot take and then we'll save it for another day. So this person says we'll discuss the heteronormative patriarchy when men get to stay at home and make a home. What's that like? Oh, I don't know.

Speaker 1 14:33

I wish I could just stay at home instead of go to work and just cook and clean and fill the dishwasher and take care of the dogs and go on errands and go shopping.

Speaker 3 14:45

Why can't I do that? Oh my God, that is what you do right now, isn't it?

Speaker 1 14:50

That's why I'm that's this rat that I'm doing. I think I'm a little slow today picking things up.

Speaker 3 14:55

But yeah, I guess you know. First of all we got take Ben can stay at home and home makes in 2024.

Speaker 1 15:01

But you know what the direct response to that is society. The fucking patriarchy is the reason. Because the same system that oppresses women and says you should stay home and raise the babies and do all of the emotional lifting in the relationship and go grocery shopping and take care of the bills and pet the dog and take them on walks and also raise the children to the to the vet and raise the children and drive them to school, while the man just goes to work and comes back home.

Speaker 3 15:32

Make sure you look really hot when he gets back.

Speaker 1 15:35

Put on those high heels, ladies. Yeah, the same system that says all of those things about women says men should also never have emotions. They should be the sole breadwinners. They should give up all of their happiness just to contribute to the fucking corporate machine of America so that you can bring home the bread and they're just going to keep on raising the price of bread and then be like what's wrong with you? You can't provide bread for your family and your wife. That's raising your babies and buying the bread.

Speaker 3 16:11

That's why I'm here, yeah, I thought we were going to do a hot take, but we went there.

Speaker 1 16:15

We got a long hot take.

Speaker 3 16:16

I will say, it is always hot to me when you go on a rant at this nature. Yeah.

Speaker 1 16:22

Yeah, you know what? Maybe there is a draft of the only draftsmen, but you know what? Nobody wants to be drafted. Nobody's fighting for. Like women should be drafted next. No, nobody should be drafted. I'm also women in the military have fought for their right to serve in the combat. They were not allowed to serve in combat when I went into Iraq and Afghanistan. They were only allowed to be in support roles, so typing and serving coffee and doing supply and working at the fucking de facto, cooking our meals and unloading boxes from trucks and working in the mail room and cleaning our clothes. They were like fuck that shit. I joined the army, I want to fight, wow. And it wasn't until I think it was like 2014 that they were like yeah, I guess women can just shoot guns now.

Speaker 3 17:17

That's wild. I feel like folks can glean the kinds of things dad is responding to in this letter. But this was much more than a hot take. I didn't know you felt so deeply about some of the things that he said, but I mean I guess I did. I just didn't know we were going to go there today. I'm going to get my very simple hot take.

Speaker 1 17:30

It's so much longer than this, so like if you want to read this, I posted it on threads and also made a story about it on Instagram.

Speaker 3 17:38

We might actually just post like a carousel of it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 17:41

But that might not be for a few days. Well, yeah, when I get the time. I got to go to the V8 tomorrow.

Speaker 3 17:47

Yeah, speaking of the V8. Time is a strange construct. When you make a podcast, so it'll be there. Don't put it that way when you.

Speaker 1 17:54

We'll talk about it.

Speaker 3 17:55

Yeah. So my hot take is this it's a literacy issue. He doesn't know what, how to read. He knows how to read because he clearly wrote a lot.

Speaker 1 18:05

He doesn't know, it wasn't very grammatically correct though.

Speaker 3 18:07

You know, the thing you're doing right now talking over me is a little bit patriarchal. Oh, let me tell you about the patriarch, yeah, he doesn't know what heteronormativity is and he doesn't know what patriarchy means, and that is why education is important. And, dan, let's give them your hot take, which was supposed to just be a sentence.

Speaker 1 18:28

Oh, that's right, we haven't written down. Yeah, this I mean to be fair, it's written down, but this is something that I was ranting while walking in and out of rooms, while Leah was typing all of our notes this morning. It's true, I'm just like going off about things, just being like and another thing. Yeah, my hot take is how did he find a Tucker Carlson rant to cut and paste that mentioned our podcast? We've made it, baby.

Speaker 2 18:58

We've made it.

Speaker 1 18:59

He clearly cut and pasted a rant from Tucker Carlson, but it mentions us, are we big time? Does Tucker Carlson know who we are?

Speaker 3 19:08

Is that our litmus test for success? It is. Oh God, I don't want that.

Speaker 1 19:13

Yeah, we have to make Tucker Carlson mad about something.

Speaker 3 19:16

Well, I guess we should add him.

Speaker 1 19:17

Yeah, somebody let Tucker Carlson know that we're woke and we need to be stopped.

Speaker 3 19:24

Yeah, what's the word? We are co-opting, prepping.

Speaker 1 19:28

How come nobody's talking about these woke zombies?

Speaker 3 19:33

Well, I think those are our big updates. Let's move on to groans from the hordes.

Speaker 1 19:41

They're groaning.

Speaker 3 19:47

Don't imagine other things we could be doing with those sounds, because that's what happens when we do them?

Speaker 1 19:52

What are the groans from the hordes?

Speaker 3 19:54

Grones from the horde is a random name to the segment, which is basically, if you send us a message and we think it's interesting anywhere that you can find us, or you leave us a voicemail at 614-699-0006 or an email at zombiebookclubpodcastgmailcom, we might read it, we might play it, because once again, I was on mushrooms once and the mushrooms told me that I need to hear more from y'all. So get in this podcast.

Speaker 1 20:21

I want to know what you're up to. It's funny how those mushrooms know what's going on with their podcast, I know.

Zombie Clucks and Survival Stories

Speaker 3 20:25

They're listening. They're listening, but we got some good ones this week. The two things that we are asking for lately, of course, you can call them with pretty much anything you want, but the two things we're asking for lately is a real-life survival situation you've been in. You can just tell us the story. It's got to be less than three minutes.

Speaker 1 20:42

Yeah, it doesn't have to be anything like hardcore. I know I talked in the last episode about eating a live scorpion.

Speaker 3 20:48

Yeah, In a future episode you're going to share something pretty wild, but it could be anything.

Speaker 1 20:53

Like if you were a victim of abuse. That's a survival story.

Speaker 3 20:56

That you want to share. Yeah, clearly opting in.

Speaker 1 20:59

We're not going to force you If you were chased by a zombie chicken.

Speaker 3 21:03

I mean, I would love to hear about that.

Speaker 1 21:06

Laura Goose Running. You know, being attacked by a Goose is a survival situation.

Speaker 3 21:09

You know what? I'll have one that I'll tell another time, not today. Oh, fuck it, I'm going to tell it. I was attacked by a rabid rabbit camping in Algonquin Park in Canada a long, long ago with my ex-boyfriend. We were deep in the woods I don't know how many days on our canoe trip and stopped at this one place. I don't know what we were cooking, but it was really dark because we got where we were supposed to be going too late. You have to understand that when you're doing canoe camping, there is no one around you. It is pitch black. The stars are incredible. If something happened to you, you're kind of fucked. The best thing that you have for you is that you have to let people know your basic route before you start, and they know how many days you're supposed to be in there. So if you don't come out, they might come looking for you. But otherwise something bad happens. You're fucked.

Speaker 3 21:57

So if you break your femur on day one, like, you've got like 12 days of riding a bag of it before somebody comes looking for you Basically, like I would use to prepare psychologically for these trips by like thinking of all the terrible things that could possibly happen and what I would do in them. But the one I never predicted was a rabid rabbit we were cooking dinner.

Speaker 1 22:15

It's always the thing you don't think about. You've got to prepare a little.

Speaker 3 22:19

You've got to prepare a little Over the little campfire, and out of fucking nowhere, this rabbit just runs straight at us Like out of the darkness straight at me. What would you do?

Speaker 1 22:31

Dan, oh, I mean you can't run because rabbits are way faster, famously quick. Yeah, I would take the slow and steady approach. I would just start walking very slowly, wait for the rabbit to become tired and take a nap. You can't do that if it's coming at you, though Slow and steady when it's a race.

Speaker 3 22:51

Well, I'll tell you what I actually did. I screamed, I threw something at it and got it far enough away, and then my ex and I went into our tent and we were like OK, what do we do You're?

Speaker 1 23:00

safe in the tent.

Speaker 3 23:01

And we would like open the tent occasionally and we would literally just see the gleaming eyes of a fucking rabbit by our dinner. I wasn't eating it, just hanging out by the fucking fire. It was the weirdest thing. It was the weirdest thing. So if I had to say we did not leave our tent that night and let the fire burn out.

Speaker 1 23:18

I'm just imagining like you're in your tent and like you see the flicker of the glow of the campfire and just see like a little tiny shadow on the outside.

Speaker 3 23:27

Little glowing rabbit eyes.

Speaker 1 23:28

Claws come up and like start scratching at the side of the tent and it's like opens up its mouth and you see it's like in the sizers.

Speaker 3 23:36

Every time we tried to come out like we'd be like on the coast as clear and we would get out, it was back. It was wild, it was really pissed. I don't know if we'd like accidentally put our tent near.

Speaker 3 23:44

Maybe it wasn't rabid, maybe it had babies somewhere and that could be because we were so deep into the woods that the campground not the campground, because it's like a site, and the site is basically a fire pit and a thunder box, which is basically a box with a hole under it that you poop in, yeah Thunder. Well, it collapse when you put down the lid. Oh, makes like a thunder like. Oh, I don't know, that's why it's called a thunder box.

Speaker 1 24:07

I just thought that that's where you.

Speaker 3 24:09

There's also that, yes, Shit lightening when you go boom, boom, Piss, excellence. So it's like the middle of truly the middle of nowhere and I don't think I had inhabited in a while. So maybe actually I can't believe that it's deck like more than a decade later it's occurring to me that maybe it's babies were nearby.

Speaker 1 24:25

Maybe you set up your tent on its hole, who knows? And it's just like you're on my hole Get out.

Speaker 3 24:31

It was a very brave bunny, though. If that's the case. It was upset, so anyways we're looking for those kinds of stories. If you add in zombies like I, could have made this bunny a zombie bunny then like you get extra bonus points, but you don't have to.

Speaker 3 24:43

The other thing we're looking for is our zombie chicken cluck competition, specifically an evil magic chicken zombie cluck. Yeah, this was suggested to us by Brian of Zompocalypse. Brian, I just want to thank you because I've had so much entertainment as a result of this suggestion you've made. Listening to people zombie clucks. Basically, call in, give us your best cluck. We'll keep the name of people who share their clucks anonymous unless you tell us we can use your name on the voicemail.

Speaker 1 25:14

Yeah, if you want to be known for this cluck, we will. We'll tell people.

Speaker 3 25:17

Yeah, and this is an evolving competition. The winner is going to get a zombie evil magic zombie chicken t-shirt, which is looking pretty rad, by the way.

Speaker 1 25:26

Yeah.

Speaker 3 25:27

I don't know when we're going to do the drawing, so there's not a lot of good details here, other than we might do it a couple of times, because my goal is to get 100 zombie clucks.

Speaker 1 25:37

Yeah, we want at least 10,. But man, if we had 100.

Speaker 3 25:41

I want 100 because we can do something really fun with that. 100 zombie clucks before the end of the year. That is my New Year's resolution in February.

Speaker 1 25:49

You know, these are the big things that you want to accomplish in 2024. Yeah, some people are running for president. We want 100 chicken clucks.

Speaker 3 26:01

Zombie chicken, clucks or angry. I've been telling people with kids. They can just tell their kids it's an angry chicken, in case they don't want to use the word zombie. I don't know when it's age appropriate to talk about zombies.

Speaker 1 26:11

I think as soon as they start talking it's very important to know about zombies. Listen to me. There's these things that are called zombies, and it's dead people that come back to life and try to eat. Anyways, good night, I'm going to leave the lights off and lock the door behind me. They're under your bed, good night.

Speaker 3 26:30

Yeah, we don't believe in shielding children from reality. We talk about the hardship.

Speaker 1 26:34

Yeah, reality Zombies.

Speaker 3 26:37

Get in trouble with my siblings when I tell their nieces and nephews, or their children, things that they probably shouldn't as my niblings. Okay, dan, are you ready to hear some clucks from the horde?

Speaker 1 26:48

Yeah give me some clucks. Give me those clucks. I'm just imagining Brad Pitt and glorious bastards, only he's like I want 100 chicken clucks. I deserve my clucks.

Speaker 3 27:02

I deserve him. All right, are you ready for the first one?

Speaker 2 27:05

I'm ready. Okay, I want to talk to somebody about discontinuing service.

Speaker 1 27:13

You know what? Not the last chicken cluck that I've heard yet.

Speaker 3 27:15

but Wait for it. Hello, hello, hello. Does the evil magic chicken zombie?

Speaker 1 27:25

It kind of does sound a little bit chicken-esque. I don't think that this is a shirt winner, though.

Speaker 3 27:31

Yeah, okay, so this person needs to be anonymous. You're going to have to bleed their name out. Are you ready for the next one? Yeah, I'm ready.

Speaker 2 27:37

Brad, I want to speak to someone about discontinuing something I did not order. $50 a month times three.

Speaker 3 27:45

Times three 150 bucks. I think we need to call her back. We should.

Speaker 1 27:50

Call her back because I have so many questions. First off, what is the service and should we have it Do? Does she mean that she's been paying for it for three months or that she has three subscriptions to it?

Speaker 3 28:02

Oh, that might, Because she says $50 a month times three.

Speaker 1 28:06

Yeah, so like is she paying $150 a month for this thing she doesn't want, and I feel like maybe we could help her?

Speaker 3 28:12

We could.

Speaker 1 28:15

We could say we will help you if you cluck for us.

Speaker 3 28:17

Yeah, we need you to cluck, yeah.

Speaker 1 28:20

Now cluck like an angry chicken. This is a.

Speaker 3 28:22

Zomdom coloring book page for sure.

Speaker 2 28:25

Oh boy.

Speaker 1 28:26

All right, Well, you know what. Thank you for your submission. Person whose name no don't say their name.

Speaker 3 28:31

We're going to bleed their name out.

Speaker 1 28:32

You can say their first name.

Speaker 3 28:33

Yeah, colleen, colleen, just bleep out the rest. Yeah, okay, are you ready for another one?

Speaker 1 28:38

All right, after the first one, I'm so prepared?

Speaker 3 28:42

This is Well. We definitely. That's two. This is our. This one actually has two people, Two children. If you have kids, their entire life purpose is to give us angry chicken clucks. That's my request of you. You don't have to say zombies if you don't want to, but these are two children, Estra and Gaya's interpretation of an angry chicken, aka zombie chicken. Are you ready?

Speaker 1 29:02

I am so ready.

Speaker 2 29:19

That is high pitched. This animal all ready to be born into hell? Okay, no more. Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba.

Speaker 1 29:32

Okay, so the chickens are now singing.

Speaker 3 29:34

It's not over. They're really committed. Yeah, I mean, feel like a child, you know, find your inner child and commit to the song. Chicken cluck. Don't go on. It's almost done. You got 10 seconds. Ba ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba ba ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba ba ba ba ba.

Speaker 1 29:59

That last part was like a song Ba ba ba, ba, ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba ba ba ba. That's what I'm saying. It was like very, very like whimsical musical. I loved it.

Speaker 3 30:09

Yeah, gaia Esra, I think you both deserve a t-shirt, but I'm not sure if your mom wants you to have an evil magic chicken, zombie t-shirt.

Speaker 1 30:16

And also, I guess if they won we'd have to send them too.

Speaker 3 30:21

That's true, yeah, because it was a collaboration. It was a collaboration. So, yeah, those are some kids. Thanks kids. Honestly, I think you're going to put all of the adults to shame. We'll see. I don't know if anybody can top that, dan, but we do have one more.

Speaker 1 30:38

Okay, are you ready? Let's hear it. I'm so. After those submissions, I am over the moon.

Speaker 3 30:46

Okay, so this one is from an old friend of mine that I was really pleased to know. I didn't even know they would send to the podcast.

Speaker 2 30:52

Yeah, that was amazing.

Speaker 3 30:53

It made me feel a little warm and fuzzy inside, so are you ready?

Speaker 2 30:56

Hi, this is Tiner. You can feel free to use my name.

Speaker 1 31:00

Hi Tiner.

Speaker 2 31:00

I'm from way back and wanted to give you guys my best zombie chicken impression. I'm here for it. I'm not sure if you're prepared or not, but here we go, I am.

Speaker 3 31:14

Wow, that's what I have for you. I think we need to replant and try.

Speaker 1 31:23

I think that was perfect.

Speaker 3 31:23

Hold on. No, I need to hear it one more time. Let me find it Okay.

Speaker 2 31:28

Hold on.

Speaker 3 31:35

That was actually like, definitely a rooster yeah that was a rooster, a zombie rooster, yeah, typically.

Speaker 1 31:43

And you know what that chicken does sound. Not right, Not gonna lie. If a chicken made that noise, that may be like we need to get far away from these chickens.

Speaker 3 31:58

At the very least, that chicken has wasting disease, the very least. Oh boy, and we actually have one more that just came in, so I feel like this is right on time.

Speaker 1 32:11

I don't know who this is you ready? Yeah, I hope it's racist, or maybe we should save it for next time. Let's hear it Okay.

Speaker 2 32:19

Zombie chicken. Impression. Time on deck is 12.08 pm. Fuck off, fuck off. Wow, back to do the things. They didn't use their name, but I think I know who that was.

Speaker 1 32:44

Oh my God, I'm crying Cockadoodle brains.

Speaker 3 32:58

We should name the episode that.

Speaker 2 33:02

Six to six signs you have cockadoodle brains. Oh boy, yeah, oh, wow Okay.

Speaker 3 33:08

I really, you know, I just got to. I think, uh, zonpocalypse, we are going to give you a little bit specifically, like legitimately, because you have brought so much joy to my life with this suggestion, and that is hold on. That is one, two, three, four, we have six. If we can't call in, we need 94 more to reach my goal.

Speaker 1 33:27

All right, we're on round track, we're doing good.

Speaker 3 33:32

This was a great start. Thank you all so much for giving us.

Speaker 1 33:35

Send us those clocks. You've got some inspiration now.

Speaker 3 33:39

Zombie chicken brains.

Speaker 1 33:42

Cockadoodle brains.

Speaker 3 33:47

Oh, I don't know if we can top that, but we got to talk about a zombie.

Speaker 2 33:50

Yeah.

Speaker 1 33:51

Oh zombie, the thing that we're talking about in this episode. Yeah, we're like 30 minutes in. Oh shit, all right, better get on this.

Zucosis

Speaker 3 34:00

Well, zombie. I became aware of zombie Because of a real on Instagram from one of my favorite people I follow. They're accounting I don't know anything about them as a person other than their anthropologist shocker that I follow them and their account name is ancestral habits, which is super cool, and basically they introduced the term Zucosis and I am proposing to the DSM that we need to add zombie Cosas of the mental health disorder. After learning about Zucosis and ancestral habits post. Do you know what Zucosis is, dan? I don't. Basically, it's about how zoos can turn wild animals into zombies if they don't get their species specific needs met Right. So I'm going to just read what ancestral habits said here. They said Zucosis is a term used to describe the abnormal, often repetitive and self destructive behaviors exhibited by animals and captivity, particularly in zoos and similar environments.

Speaker 3 34:55

These behaviors are thought to result in the stress and frustration animals experience due to their confinement and unnatural and restrictive environments. The term combines zoo, referring to the place where these behaviors are most commonly observed, and psychosis, indicating a severe mental disorder. Examples of Zucosis behaviors include pacing, rocking, self mutilation and excessive grooming. These behaviors are not typically seen in wild animals and are considered indicators of poor mental health in captive animals. So I have proposed that we are captive animals. We domesticated ourselves and we have. Many of us possibly us will find out have contracted zombie Cosis.

Speaker 1 35:33

Yes, we are. We have zombie Cosis.

Speaker 3 35:35

Oh, you already decided. We haven't even done the test yet.

Speaker 1 35:38

Yeah, I pace in the office downstairs. You know I don't want to upset you, so I just go down there to do it. Really, I've also been doing excessive grooming my whole life, you know, showering at least every three days. It's a bit much, you know. I think it's a little over the top, but you know I'm trying to reel it in.

Speaker 3 36:00

For Middle-AIDS Europe. That's positively disgusting. You watch so much.

Speaker 1 36:04

Yeah, so let's talk more. Do we have any examples of this?

Speaker 3 36:11

Yeah, let's think about it in other animals first before we apply it to humanity, because I think a lot of people forget that people are animals. People are animals. Yeah, we share like 97% of our DNA with mice. So, yeah, we're animals. And as I'm saying, the ziki is looking at me so hard. I know you understood. Yes, we're an animal like you. Yeah, we're both animals.

Speaker 1 36:33

Okay, sorry, that's how I'm trying not to do my doggy talk. Dogs are people.

Speaker 3 36:37

Correct yes, other horses and snakes, that's right. So examples of zoocoses in other than human animals, dan, what's an example that you've seen?

Speaker 1 36:47

So a long time ago I went to the zoo in upstate New York. They had a mountain lion there and they were chasing back and forth along the edge of its cage, just like giving everybody like an evil stare, like you're lucky this cage exists or else I'd kill all of you, and I thought that that was fairly abnormal behavior and also maybe realize that like mountain lions are just like 200 pound versions of house cats Basically, and if house cats are capable of fucking me up as much as they are, I don't want to get in the fight with a mountain lion.

Zoocosis and Zombie Cossus

Speaker 3 37:22

No, you will not win that fight. Yeah, ever, that at all, ever. And the fourth thing was probably miserable. The first time I saw a zoocosis was actually at a zoo, and this was well before I fully understood that animals maybe deserve better than what we give them, being somebody who grew up on a farm. But I went to the zoo in Peterborough, ontario, and there was this giraffe in this tiny enclosure that had worn a. Honestly, I gotta say this is impressive. A pretty much perfect circle in the ground that was like maybe 30 feet in diameter and it just the whole time I was there it just circled and circled and circled and like it was like a rut, like I don't know, maybe a foot deep. It had just like created a circle.

Speaker 1 38:02

That's like a giraffe version of a treadmill, yeah.

Speaker 3 38:06

So this you know like clearly I would imagine giraffes probably are supposed to travel great distances, but you can't when you're in a shitty enclosure. Yeah.

Speaker 1 38:14

They've got long legs yeah.

Speaker 3 38:15

Yeah, and so that's, that's zoocosis. And the other time that I started to see it once I like noticed that behavior, but I didn't have a term until recently. Horses I've also seen displays who causes, although I did not know that's what it was called. Horses need space to roam, space to run based, to graze, lots and lots of space. But unfortunately, a lot of horses are stuck in stalls all day, kind of like me, my office, and so we're going to talk about zombie coasters in a moment but what they end up doing when they don't get to live, that species specific need or like are just alone, like a horse should never be alone, ever. I feel very sad every time I see one by themselves, because that's so unnatural. So if you're a human, imagine that you were put in a like six foot by six foot stall with no other humans.

Speaker 3 39:00

Yeah, all day A cubicle, if you will, yeah, all day, except when they let you out to exercise, to forcefully exercise you. This is the life of many, many horses and they develop all kinds of weird behaviors. My horse, atlas, who is an x-ray sports every time he would be in a stall, he would just circle, yeah. They can also do this weaving thing, where they just look at the front of the stall and they weave their head back and forth, or they do this thing called curbing, which is literally they get high by like grabbing the side of fencing or the stall, the wood, and like with their teeth, and then sucking wind or air through a certain part of the stall. They can suck air through a certain part of their windpipe and it makes them high. I don't really understand how it works. Can we do that?

Speaker 1 39:37

We could try Like if I'm in my cubicle, but it will fuck up your teeth because it fucks up horses too. I just chew on the side of my cubicle and like suck air through it and get high, you know, when they don't release me on time to the gym to go get exercise.

Speaker 3 39:54

Forced exercise yeah.

Speaker 1 39:55

Yeah, I had another example maybe.

Speaker 3 40:01

Before we get into humans yeah.

Speaker 1 40:03

And this is something I'm wondering about, because we've talked about this before, not on the podcast Wolves in captivity create pack dynamics that are not natural in the wild.

Speaker 1 40:17

So, like every alpha bro that talks about being like a lone wolf or like an alpha wolf, or something like that only exists in zoos, because they are prisoners and they create those hierarchies because of the stress of being in an enclosed environment and having, like, scarcity of food and not being able to do what wolves want to do. But in the wild it's very different from that.

Speaker 3 40:41

Yeah, in the wild. I think it's like the maternal. You know I'm not going to make it up, I know it's different. I know it's not an alpha male. I'm pretty sure that it's like an older female.

Speaker 1 40:49

Well, they're democratic, they vote, wolves vote. They have a voting system.

Speaker 3 40:55

I know that they're very kind and they take care of their. They only move as fast as their oldest and weakest pack member. That is nice, yeah, but I think that's a really good example. And I got to say what a downer after the zombie clucking competition submissions. You know that's my role at all parties is to be the downer.

Speaker 3 41:12

So this is when I was reading about this and like thinking about these kinds of examples, like what you just said, dan, I started thinking like we really do need a term for humans and I started to think about the dead don't die and how those zombies like did repetitive human habits of consumerism, like looking for their phone constantly, drinking coffee, going to the drugstore to get their Xanx oh yeah, chardonnay Coffee, yeah and I was like, holy shit, I think that I have, or possibly have, zombie cossus right, because it's a combination of words zombie meaning like we have lost touch with our humanity. Basically, zombies are and cossus for psychosis, which is why I'm going to submit this to the DSM, possibly go back to school for my PhD in psychology and submit my dissertation, yeah.

Speaker 1 42:05

Sounds like a good use of funny yeah.

Speaker 3 42:09

So let's talk about the signs of zombie cossus, because I think that I bet you a lot of people might exhibit them. Yeah, like are we all depressed and anxious and lonely and unsatisfied with life because of our captive environment that we've created? I don't know, but here are the six homo sapiens specific needs that ancestral habits pointed out for me and this threat, or for us.

Speaker 1 42:35

And you at home you can play along with this. It's some kind of really fucked up BuzzFeed quiz.

Speaker 3 42:39

Yeah. Is your zoo environment enriching enough or are you at risk of zombification?

Speaker 1 42:44

Does your habitat need some enrichment activities?

Meeting Basic Human Needs

Speaker 3 42:48

Are you already a zombie? We need to do a follow up which is like tips for how to address zombie cossus. Okay, so the first homo sapiens specific need we have is that we evolved in natural light. We need direct exposure to sunlight in the morning and day and darkness at night, maybe firelight. How well are we meeting that basic homo sapien need?

Speaker 1 43:10

in our households. Do LEDs and fluorescent light tubes count?

Speaker 3 43:16

Does the TV count as a glow of the fire?

Speaker 1 43:19

Does my smartphone count as a natural light source? Definitely not.

Speaker 3 43:24

I think we're failing this one because, like one of the things I try to do is go outside with the dogs, even for a couple of minutes in the morning, but, to be frank, because I work from home, sometimes I don't leave the house at all.

Speaker 3 43:36

Some days, especially if it's like a really, really brutal day, I'm not going to walk the dogs. And then we have like weird off schedule dog walking schedule because it's a long story, but basically we try to avoid other humans and dogs and that means walking at weird hours. So we're definitely not doing a first thing in the morning when everybody is.

Speaker 1 43:53

Yeah, sometimes when I open up the front door in the morning, it's frozen shut. Yeah, and we haven't been outside in a few days.

Speaker 3 44:01

Yeah, and we have the lights on at night. I think that we fail this one. I feel like most people would and it made me realize like, okay, this is actually one downside of working from home if I don't intentionally leave my house, because at least if you have to drive to work, you get outside and experience a couple of moments of sunshine between you and your car or you and the bus or wherever you're going. So we got to fail for that one. We have one sign of Zonbicosis.

Speaker 1 44:24

Yeah, and I think you need to get like 15 minutes of sunlight a day just to get like your daily value of vitamin D. Yeah, we're chronic, I'm chronic, and it has to be like touching your skin, like we're wearing winter coats and sunglasses and hats and gloves, like the sun is not touching us.

Speaker 3 44:42

Yeah, and we have so many lights on at night Like I've ever since I've read this, I've been trying to have us be in like darker light, but still light, yeah, so okay, fail.

Speaker 2 44:51

Fail.

Speaker 3 44:52

Sign one we have Zonbicosis. Sign two, number two humans evolved to be exposed to ambient temperature. I'll be honest, I had to look up the word ambient.

Speaker 1 45:00

I was like I think I know what this means yeah, it's so what you take when you want to go to sleep.

Speaker 3 45:05

Ambient oh, that's probably one of the things people do because they have Zonbicosis. Yeah, I mean not getting their basic needs met. Oh, that's depressing. So ambient means relating to the immediate surroundings. So basically, if it's cold outside, you should probably like the idea of like going from a really warm house to out in the cold and then back in the warm house or, in the summertime, being an air conditioning that's frigid and then being outside in the hot is actually bad for you. You should be kind of self-regulating by being in the general temperature that your environment is.

Speaker 2 45:38

Yeah, how are we doing on this?

Speaker 3 45:39

one.

Speaker 1 45:43

You know I did this a lot better when I had, when I was driving a truck that didn't have air conditioning. You know it'd be like 85 to 90 degrees and I would just I mean the inside of the truck would actually be like 110, 120., and so I handled temperature like like summertime temperature so much better back then. But now we definitely regulate the temperature in our house. It's 70 in here right now.

Speaker 3 46:14

That's Bonnie.

Speaker 1 46:15

Like 25 outside.

Speaker 3 46:17

Yeah, normally it's like 68 in our home in the wintertime, and this actually shows you that human bodies do adjust the temperature around them, because in the wintertime if it gets a smidge below 68, I don't think like it's fucking cold, yeah. But in the summertime we keep our air conditioning at 78, which is pretty high. But we do that intentionally because we know I already sort of knew this and if it goes a couple degrees below that, like if it's like 75, I'm like holy shit, I'm so fucking cold, I'm freezing, I'm freezing.

Speaker 3 46:47

And it's all because your body adjusts to the temperature around you. Obviously there are ranges. I'm not recommending that you go out into the forest in the middle of winter and try and survive without some kind of heat source. Our bodies are, you know. I think we're supposed to live between like 65 and 85 degrees is like ideal.

Speaker 1 47:05

You know, I don't like to add something into this one, which is and I don't know if this is pseudoscience or not, so look this up for yourselves people at home but our feet have these receptors called mytichlorians and they detect the temperature of the ground and they regulate your body temperature based on how your feet sense the ground temperature. Well, I'm fucked, then. Yeah, I have to live in shoes the rest of my life. So, like there are some people who don't wear shoes, regardless of their environment, because they believe very strongly that it's like a serious health factor to attune your body to nature so that it regulates itself based on the environment, instead of wearing shoes and socks and like separating yourself from the earth.

Speaker 3 47:56

Got it. Yeah, I mean that could make sense. Who knows if it's true or not. I'm impressed that you remember those kinds of details, though, because I never would. So I would say, like for this one, in the winter time we could maybe have it be a bit colder, but not a lot, and the summertime, I think, like we do, okay, because we do try and keep the air conditioning at a pretty high temperature. This one, I'm not sure if we are I'd give us like a middle grade, like a 50%. We're not out there living life, you know, without air conditioning and eating.

Speaker 1 48:26

When we lived in the South, I had friends who you know. In the summertime they would turn down their AC to like 60 degrees. Oh my God, it'd be 95 outside, 60 degrees inside, and like if it went one degree higher than that, they'd be like it's so hot in here and like, literally I'd go in and just be like it's 40 degrees colder in here and I feel like I'm gonna die, yeah, and then in the winter time it would be 40 degrees outside and in 95 inside and it just doesn't make any sense.

Speaker 3 48:56

It doesn't and it's not good for you Like I remember having to, oh wow. I'm gonna sound like my grandparents. I had to walk both ways uphill in the winter.

Speaker 1 49:04

I'd run through a frozen river holding my backpack over my head.

Speaker 3 49:09

Exactly that. Picture that. But going to university was like a 25 minute walk Uphill both ways. You know, I have moments of like nostalgia for when I could just walk without pain. Sorry, I was just like, wow, I used to do that. That's amazing. Me too, I know. But I would do that. And in the winter time like I'm pretty comfortable because I would have enough like things on my body to keep me okay. And again to the building and my whole body would just like immediately start sweating.

Speaker 3 49:37

I would have like rip off all of the clothes as soon as possible, go into the bathroom like wipe all of the sweat off. I had to like schedule an extra 15 minutes before I had class so I wouldn't go in there looking like a sweaty gorilla. I don't know if gorilla sweat, but I was one. It was disgusting.

Speaker 1 49:53

Yeah, how many animals sweat? Let us know Do you chicken sweat?

Speaker 3 49:59

I don't think so. Yeah, I know our dogs don't sweat. I think pigs sweat. Well, pigs are a lot like humans. Yeah, that's true. Chromically reconnected, I was told once. Yeah, that's a whole other conversation.

Speaker 1 50:09

I kind of feel like pigs are the only ones I can think of. That's sweat.

Speaker 3 50:12

Yeah, yeah, question of the day. So I think, like we're, I'll give us 50% for this one.

Speaker 1 50:20

Yeah, we're not doing so good. Are we keeping track of this?

Speaker 3 50:24

One and a half out of six points so far towards all signs pointing to us having zonbicosis. Number three we evolved to move all day, Little bursts here and there, cardio and strength, manually getting places, making things, gathering and catching food and supplies.

Speaker 1 50:43

You know, during the work season I'm better at this, especially back when my role was both being a truck driver and a laborer, so like I was like shoveling all day, sweeping all day, you know, mixing concrete, carrying things, so like all day I was very, very, very active. And the truck driving role at my job was also very active, but in a very different way, like a lot of it's just like adjusting to bouncing and being thrown all over the inside of a truck every single second of the day. So like a lot of core exercise and then getting out and banging on things and screaming and putting out fires and calling in your boss and screaming at them and then thinking that you're fired and like having a panic attack and sitting on the side of the road crying.

Speaker 1 51:34

And then being like I don't care, anyway, I'd have never wanted this job. And then somebody comes and they fix it and everything's fine and just go back to work.

Speaker 3 51:43

I don't think that's a sign that you are getting your homo sapiens specific needs for movement that sounds horrific.

Speaker 1 51:50

Okay well, now it's a little bit different, like a lot less. Yeah, wintertime is a lot less.

Speaker 3 51:56

And you know, the sad thing on my side of it is that a lot of my joint and health issues are actually because I don't get to do this, because my job is a computer job, and so I had a job where I was basically required even though it was technically a 40 hour work week basically required to work 60 to 80 hours a week, and that's when I started to develop really significant hip issues because I was sitting all the time. Then I got a convertible standing desk to address that. Well then I'm standing for 60 to 80 hours a week, ba dum, bum, bum bum, got plantar fasciitis and I still have hip issues to some degree. But you guys help with that, but I can't. You're so sues McDonald's, I can't. Now I'm kind of fucked because sitting hurts, but standing hurts All of it, basically because my body has not been able to do this for years to move all day.

Speaker 3 52:48

Little bursts here in their cardio and strength, and they've they've done it. They did a really depressing study recently. I'll have to find the link for it because it used to be. The saying was like you know, if you move physically for 30 minutes a day in some way, you're okay. Long term studies have shown it doesn't matter that basically, if you were sedentary for a long period of the time, both it has both mental not mental health, but like Brain health, I don't know You're more likely to get dementia or Alzheimer's if you don't move a lot and you're also likely to die sooner when you don't move, Fuck yeah.

Speaker 3 53:22

So it's like I think that the majority of society at this point probably has on because is for this one alone. If you have any kind of job, it does not require you to again move all day in little bursts, here and there, cardio and strength. So we fail that one. So we're at two and a half points.

Speaker 1 53:39

Great we're in the total of six. Fantastic Love that. Do you want to read the next one, Dan? Yeah, we evolved in social settings, but not the forced kind, the kind that you relied on, the kind where you relied on each other and felt valued. Oh God.

Speaker 3 53:55

This is why we need chicken clocks to bring the mood up on these podcasts.

Speaker 1 53:59

Yeah, we should have done it at the end, we'll play one at the end, just for fun again. Oh, you know what we talked to friends this weekend? We did so. How often are we supposed to do that? Every day?

Speaker 3 54:12

Fuck, and we're supposed to be in community. So putting my anthropologist hat on here, for the first hundred and ninety-ish thousand years of human existence we lived in bands of like 20 to 50 people. Scabans. Yes, we were definitely playing things like the Scatalyte's radio was in the background from Spotify.

Speaker 1 54:29

Yeah, we all had like trombones and trumpets. Yeah, we wore fedoras and white and black checkered button down silk shirts yes, and wingtip shoes that looked like bowling shoes. Yeah, and we played trumpets.

Speaker 2 54:42

Yeah.

Speaker 3 54:42

Yeah, no, just bands is like a political, a form of political organization, if we only get real geeky here. So bands would be, yeah, 20-ish to 50 people max, hunting and gather, hudger, gatherer societies. So we're doing all the stuff that they just said above, that we just talked about like easily meeting all of those things, and it was also a relatively peaceful form of social organization, because if it really got bad enough, people would just move. Yeah.

Speaker 3 55:11

Yeah, I feel like we've done that a couple times. There was very little evidence of violence and war before the agricultural revolution. Fun fact, which was, I think, like 12,000 years ago or something. Don't quote me, I have a terrible memory. So when I tell concepts and things like that, I'm giving you like a Van Gogh impression. I really suck at any kind of test that's required specifics. So yeah, that is how you were supposed to live. How much of my social setting is not forced or ours is not forced when it's when we have to go to work for 40 hours a week?

Speaker 1 55:47

I don't know, but you know, it kind of occurs to me that like forced interaction, like going to work with people that also have to go to work, is very similar to like being in prison and being forced to be around other prisoners.

Speaker 3 56:02

But at least you get paid, unlike the prisoners who are forced to work, and you have freedom.

Speaker 1 56:07

But then I kind of wonder where like my time in the army kind of feels very different from both of those things as like a concept, because, like our forced closeness, like made us bond and become this. You know the ska band.

Speaker 3 56:30

Oh God, I would have loved to see like an army ska band and it existed Really. Yes, that's amazing, that's truly amazing, like in Afghanistan, where people like bringing their trumpet Hell, yeah, that's wonderful Playing their, playing their AR-15s like at the trumpet.

Speaker 1 56:46

Yes, yes, oh, my God, I can picture it perfectly.

Speaker 2 56:50

Yeah.

Speaker 3 56:51

Well, yeah, I think that like well, I mean, I guess any commutes there's some degree of forcedness, Like you're born into the family you're born in. If you're a hunter-gatherer and you live in a band, like it's not, like it's a thousand percent voluntary, but I do think that there's something about like the workplace that is a little bit forced.

Speaker 2 57:09

A little bit.

Speaker 1 57:10

You don't get to choose your people. Yeah, I mean, you're kind of like stuck there unless you get a different job. Yeah, you know, like you always kind of feel a little bit stuck sometimes with your job because you work so hard to get that job and to like to find a way to coexist with those fuckheads and you're like, ah, but I could get another job, but who would?

Speaker 3 57:30

have me, yeah, and also then you lose the one group that you do have that feels kind of like a ska band, because I was just thinking about this. Like here's the key to this. This is a social setting and community where you feel, where you rely on each other and you feel valued. You want to know the best replica of that that I've found in modern society, if it's healthy is my workplace. Like, most of my friends that I have today that I did not meet in high school or university are former work colleagues. Like that is how I've met people and it feels really like I have to mourn every time I move on somewhere because that's become my community. We rely on each other to get our job done and if you're not assholes, you make each other feel valued. You know.

Speaker 1 58:12

maybe that kind of also. Maybe that's kind of like part of why I feel so disenfranchised with my work situations that I don't really feel safe being friends with the people I work with. Yeah, you know, when I when I'm forced to listen to them on the radio talk about how much they love Trump and I can't turn the radio off because I need to listen to it in case something important comes through, I'm like I don't want to hang out with these fucking guys.

Speaker 2 58:39

Yeah.

Speaker 1 58:40

They're terrible and I don't want anything to do with them, and I don't even want to be here right now.

Speaker 3 58:44

That's so sad. So you're definitely in the forced kind of social setting with your work. Yeah, and I am too Like I don't choose this and I think the thing to remember. I'm an alpha wolf, because you're in captivity, I'm in captivity, I'm a captive alpha wolf.

Speaker 1 58:56

That's why you tell people to show pine cones up their ass. It's true. It's why I tell people that. Tell me to get dip for my tostitos to go fuck themselves. True story. I'm not sure if we're told that in the podcast. I know Maybe we should. I think it is. Yeah, save that one.

Speaker 3 59:12

So this is like again, this is the, I think, the only way out of capitalism and the current hellscape of society we have right now, which, again, one of the knowledge I have, a lot of privilege and things that make my life quite comfortable, but I also think fundamentally it's the expense of a lot of other people. My life, so, is community like I want to spend more time this year and future years building community of people here and my friends from Brooklyn if they'd move here how about people?

Speaker 1 59:40

listening to does anybody listening want to come be a part of our?

Speaker 3 59:45

I've thought about asking this and I'm kind of like scared Some of you are scary. I'm sure there's a lot of lovely people, but you never know.

Speaker 1 59:53

Yeah, it's going to come out of the woodwork, you know what is scary about people who listen to us and it's not anything that's wrong about you guys, you all, specifically y'all Is that it's a lot like my work situation. I don't know if I, if I, want to be around people until I know them. So, like I would love people who are of a similar mindset, where we all love zombies, to create our zombie commune, but like I can't guarantee that I'll like I'll like each and every single one of them.

Speaker 3 1:00:30

I think that that I mean that is probably also just community. Not everybody's going to be your favorite, but as long as you can live near each other and value the contributions you each make, you don't have to be hanging out every night. I guess that's a good point. Yeah, I think as long as people are following the basic rules of like, civility and kindness and respect. Insert don't tread on me, joke here for the libertarians.

Speaker 1 1:00:52

And don't write essays about how woke we are.

Speaker 3 1:00:54

Yeah, that person would definitely not do well in our little hippie garden.

Speaker 1 1:00:58

Oh, it'd be so fun though wouldn't it?

Speaker 3 1:01:01

No, I'm just going to sign for that person a little bit, everybody, everybody.

Speaker 1 1:01:04

come out. It's 10 am. Someone's going to tell us how woke we are. It's going to be great. It's just a thing that we do every day.

Speaker 3 1:01:13

So I don't think we passed this one, Dan, what do you think?

Speaker 1 1:01:15

number four oh, no, okay, I think you're doing better than me, though.

Speaker 3 1:01:20

I think I am, but for the sake for us, this is a combined couple, especially because, like local community, I think is important I'm going to give us like three and a half out of six. So we have already surpassed the 50% mark. We definitely have come down with zombie cossus.

Speaker 1 1:01:32

Oh no.

Speaker 3 1:01:34

You're like you don't understand this, creating Okay, number five. Oh, we're on five.

Speaker 1 1:01:39

Yeah, it's a six.

Speaker 3 1:01:42

This one actually relates to your thing about feet, maybe Constant passive stimulation. Constant passive stimulation in a nonviolent way the texture of the earth below your, our feet, the earth in our hands, the sounds of birds, the smell of nature, the switching between myopic, which means close up, and hyperopic, landscapes far away and the intense flavors of wild foods and functional plants.

Speaker 1 1:02:07

I love wild foods and functional plants.

Speaker 3 1:02:09

Me too. How often are we eating them?

Speaker 1 1:02:11

Put that on my pizza.

Speaker 3 1:02:13

We could make a really great forage pizza. Well, we still have to buy the flour, though, to make it go. Those pine needles on it.

Speaker 1 1:02:20

Ew, no Pine cones and really stabby, yeah, acorns we could find some good mushrooms.

Speaker 3 1:02:26

We could put some dandelion greens on top at the end. Yeah, it'd be good Find some good stuff, yeah, you could grind up some acorns and make an acorn pesto.

Speaker 1 1:02:36

Or, you know, make acorn flour for the dough.

Speaker 3 1:02:39

Yeah, now we're getting really hard-core. That's a hot tip from the Walking Dead Carol, specifically acorn flour. But I think that I am happiest when I get to do these things in BSL. It's hard in the winter and it's certainly not something I get to do most of the day, and definitely not eating intense flavors of wild foods and functional plants.

Speaker 1 1:03:00

Oh yeah, I mean, most of our knowledge of wild foods and medicines has just been stripped away from us, from Westernization. Honestly, christianity, yeah.

Speaker 3 1:03:11

There's actually a really great Reel by Black forager on Instagram that explains how it has been deliberately like. Our knowledge of foraging and hunting has been deliberately stripped from us. Yeah, and it's all connected back to racism, actually Fun fact of the day.

Speaker 1 1:03:28

Yeah, so go check that out. So she was talking about why this one commenter that she had didn't realize that she could just pick fruit off of treats, like, if she walked by a lemon tree, that the lemons growing on that tree are the same ones that she buys at the grocery store.

Speaker 3 1:03:43

That's so sad.

Speaker 1 1:03:44

Yeah.

Speaker 3 1:03:45

This has me thinking that racism is like a precursor to zombie ghosts. It's part of what we've been domesticated with. Is racism? Yeah, it's best. Depressing, but highly recommend Black forager. If you're not already following her, you need to be. Not only is she hilarious, but she is full of the good facts.

Speaker 1 1:04:01

Full of them. Yeah, You'll learn all kinds of stuff. One of my favorite ones besides the pine needle sprite that we mentioned in episode one that we haven't done yet is how to distill your own salt from ocean water. Yeah, that was a great one, Easy but also awesome.

Speaker 3 1:04:19

Yeah, I don't think that that that was a witch, betty.

Speaker 1 1:04:23

I don't think Well, maybe it was.

Speaker 3 1:04:25

Witch Betty is also a great foraging account if you're interested in foraging and herbal remedies. Yeah, she's great and it's witch Betty. I think it's like W-H-I-C-H witch Betty.

Speaker 1 1:04:34

Yeah, it'd probably come up either way though.

Speaker 3 1:04:35

Yeah, that's true, the algorithms You'll find her. So do we pass the constant passive stimulation in a nonviolent way?

Speaker 1 1:04:42

No, all of my stimulation is violent.

Speaker 3 1:04:45

I'm going to give myself like a quarter of a point back from this. Now I'm going to have to do math. Let's just say we don't pass it because it's close enough. So we are at four and a half out of six and we have one more to go.

Speaker 1 1:04:58

Number six Do you want me to do it? Yeah, you do it. We evolved to be hunting and gathering, mostly gathering constantly on the lookout for new things that would satisfy our basic needs, which we would get a big dopamine boost from when we were out picking wild berries or whatever the fuck. So, yeah, so you know that feeling that you get when you're on Amazon and you're like, oh, that's a cool thing, I want to buy the thing, and then you buy it and then it shows up.

Speaker 2 1:05:29

And you're like what's this?

Speaker 1 1:05:30

You forgot that you ordered it and you're like what the fuck is in this? What did I order? And he shows up and it's a little tiny piece of plastic that, like, probably costs 12 cents to make, but you paid $12 for it.

Speaker 3 1:05:41

That will never decompose and probably involve child labor, violent resource extraction. Yeah, that's definitely zombie cossas. I don't know I'm guilty of zombie cossas.

Speaker 1 1:05:52

I know I'm a pizza cutter. That looks like a little bicycle. Yes, it works as a pizza cutter, but it's mostly just there to make me happy when I look at it.

Speaker 3 1:05:59

Zombie cossas.

Speaker 1 1:06:01

Yeah, so you were telling me about this a few days ago. I didn't realize it was part of zombie cossas, though.

Speaker 3 1:06:08

It is. It hit me recently, though, that about shopping, that shopping was a replacement for the dopamine boosts that you would get from foraging or hunting or finding something you need, because that is innate in humans. It hit me because I've become obsessed with this clothing company that I'm not going to name because I don't want to. You don't want people to go and buy all the stuff that you want. It can look like me. That'd be weird. Well, that's also it, but at first I could justify it because it's fair trade. It's upcycled materials that they then turn into other things. So the thing about this clothing is that every single piece is unique, and I found myself at any given time of the day, any time there's a new release which is like twice a week scrolling through looking for the perfect item that was like my favorite combination of colors and patterns.

Speaker 3 1:07:00

And then there's like the scarcity thing is I'm like this won't be here like berries.

Speaker 1 1:07:04

Yeah, it's not like other stores where, like you can just buy whatever you want, like they're one off items.

Speaker 3 1:07:09

Yeah, they're one of a kind. I mean they're the same like style, but that particular print will never, that particular combination of prints will never exist again. And I was like, holy shit, I am succumbing to like my dopamine need for scavenging and gathering in the middle of the winter, because I don't have a way to do it right now, especially because I can't wander the woods a lot, otherwise I would be through shopping. That's when it hit me. But it is a human need. I just hadn't thought about it around. Shopping is like an alternative until then, because it would make me feel good, I'd be really excited. And then you get the little package in the mail and you're like woo.

Speaker 1 1:07:41

And you know, this makes so much more sense when I think of like back to my childhood, like the excitement of going to the mall or mall, mark, mall, mark, yeah, did I say mall or wall? I don't know. We went to the mall. Some of the kids don't understand. These days we have malls. They're big stores that had other stores inside of them, that's true, and we would just walk up and down this mall to get you know our, our enrichment, to get our natural light from the skylight You're walking, Gather food from the food court, to walk and get exercise and to also look at all the things and gather them, wow, no wonder, and you're with your people.

Speaker 3 1:08:25

You've chosen.

Speaker 1 1:08:27

You're finding new community, like other groups, that are going to the. Orange Julius at the same time.

Speaker 3 1:08:33

I never thought I'd advocate for malls to come back but it was meeting a lot of requirements right now, I hope the ambient temperature, though that place is not too cold or too hot always.

Speaker 1 1:08:41

Yeah, but it's always constant. That's true, it doesn't change. You're in there and you never leave.

Speaker 3 1:08:45

You'll be fine, so I think that we don't pass this one. So we get five and a half. We are five and a half out of six signs of zombie causes. So are we more homo sapien than zombie or more zombie than homo sapien?

Speaker 1 1:09:01

I guess I mean the data is telling us that we're zombies.

Speaker 3 1:09:03

We have zombie causes and what do you think are like the things that you do, like the weird neurotic behavior Mine is mine that I'm acknowledging is shopping. I need to stop doing that so much.

Speaker 1 1:09:14

Yeah, I don't know, like it's kind of hard when I have so many things going on, but like maybe when I just don't want to move and I just lay down for a long period of time and only move in order to shop, in order to shovel food into my mouth. That's sad.

Speaker 3 1:09:33

It's the reality for a lot of us. The other one I think about is like don't get me wrong, I love television and movies. We have a podcast about media, but I think it's sort of like a substitute for having that meaningful social community. And one of the key factors of being human is our ability to tell stories. That is like the number one way that you can get people to learn something is through storytelling. That is a proven factor.

Speaker 1 1:09:55

Oh is it.

Speaker 3 1:09:55

It is.

Speaker 1 1:09:59

Yeah, and actually now I'm kind of wondering if this might be the fascination with the zombie apocalypse. Is that it's? It's promising all these things? You're going to find a new community that you survive with, you're going to be outside in nature hunting and gathering, you're going to get away from the office and you're forced interactions with people that you don't like because they're all dead and zombies now, wow. And you're just trying to fulfill your basic needs and like maybe that promise of like this simpler life isn't just about the simple life, it's about a life that fulfills all of your human needs.

Speaker 3 1:10:34

Wow, that was a perfect way to wrap it up.

Speaker 2 1:10:37

Yeah.

Speaker 3 1:10:37

And I will give Ancestral Habits one more shout out for alerting me to zombie co-sys. They don't call it that. The question they asked at the end was could we reasonably get these needs met and work full time? And I think the answer is no, which is why, if there's been any evidence in any episode for why we need to deconstruct capitalism and reconstruct community and a different way of living, I think zombie co-sys is it.

Speaker 1 1:11:02

Yeah, oh, I mean yeah or not, being zombie cosified.

Speaker 3 1:11:07

Yes, yeah, in any way we would not have zombie cosys, we just have human cosys.

Speaker 1 1:11:13

Yeah, I mean human cosys would be okay.

Speaker 3 1:11:15

So I feel like we need to play one random chicken sound before we end to like up the mood, because that was dark. Which one do you want, dan? Do you have any special requests? As a final one, oh, a short one.

Speaker 1 1:11:28

please A short one.

Speaker 2 1:11:29

All right, here we go. I just want a bite sized fuck. Zombie chicken. Impression Time on deck is 12.08 pm. Fuck off, we can at least see the thing. Zombie chicken Big idea.

Speaker 3 1:11:48

Thank you that was so lovely it's healing.

Speaker 1 1:11:52

It's healing to the soul.

Speaker 3 1:11:54

It really was. Oh my God, we have more, sorry. Well, we're talking about those in the next episode.

Speaker 1 1:12:01

Yeah, just looks at our e-mail Of the casual bed.

Speaker 3 1:12:04

Yes, so our outro for the day. I've got a reminder. In just two more episodes we are going to be talking with Sylvester Barzy yeah, who wrote Planet Dead Super excited about this.

Speaker 1 1:12:19

Yeah, we're going to talk to him about books.

Speaker 3 1:12:20

So you got like two more weeks to read this book. You can do it. Am I taking Dan and I like 12, because we're really slow and I'm reading it as a bedtime story, but it's good and you can get it done.

Speaker 1 1:12:29

We're reading it like 20 minutes at a time.

Speaker 3 1:12:31

Yeah, because I get tired, because we really like it all day. We have a lot of voices, yeah.

Speaker 2 1:12:36

I do.

Speaker 1 1:12:37

So I don't know how you keep track of them all, to be honest, but you know what it's a quick read. It's part of a series, so it might be something that you want to just keep on reading. This is just the first book and we don't know how it ends yet because we haven't finished it.

Speaker 3 1:12:50

Yeah, but there are clown cannibals. I always feel like we need to point those out.

Speaker 1 1:12:53

Yeah, yeah, we promise clown cannibals.

Speaker 3 1:12:56

Lots of treachery, lots of betrayal. It's good, yes. So yeah, read that, come join us. Episode 35 is when we'll be talking to the one, the only, sylvester Barzee. I'm very excited about this. Or, and in between now and then, you should call us with your zombie survival story, or just a survival story, your best zombie chicken cluck.

Speaker 1 1:13:20

Yeah, I need 94 more.

Speaker 3 1:13:22

Yeah, or whatever you want you got three minutes to leave a voicemail 614-699-0006. Or you can email us at zombiebookclubpodcastgmailcom.

Speaker 1 1:13:35

Yeah, and don't forget to subscribe rate and review. We're giving us a rating, a review is like how we're going to spread our zombie COSIS virus to new people.

Speaker 3 1:13:50

We want this podcast to help people like wake up from their zombie COSIS.

Speaker 1 1:13:53

Oh yes, help us spread the disease. That will wake you up from the disease you didn't know you had.

Speaker 3 1:14:04

This is really convoluted. I will say this you know what would be really helpful Tell your friends about the zombie chicken clucking, competition and my goal of 100 clocks.

Speaker 1 1:14:13

Yeah, try to get those clocks, anyway you can. We deserve 100 clocks. Give them a phone number.

Speaker 3 1:14:19

Tell them to call in, have them listen to this episode so they too can consider if there's things they can do to have a little less zombie COSIS.

Speaker 1 1:14:26

Yeah, and thanks for listening. Follow us on Instagram and threads. We've got a link tree in the description. You can find all the things there if you don't already know. But thank you for listening and we'll see you in the next one. Goodbye everybody.

Speaker 2 1:14:43

Goodbye, goodbye, bye, bye.

Speaker 3 1:14:47

Bye, cockadoodle dead.

Speaker 1 1:14:51

Brains.