Zombie Book Club
United States of the Apocalypse | Zombie Book Club Podcast Ep 44
Embarking on the path to American citizenship is like navigating a thorny maze, complete with pitfalls and the occasional glimmer of hope. Leah's trek through this labyrinth has been a tale of persistence, dotted with absurdities only Dan's wit could dress up in comedic garb. We peel back the layers of paperwork and process, revealing personal stories from Leah's Canadian upbringing to the poignant struggles of maintaining one's identity amidst a bureaucratic whirlwind. All the while, we serve up a side of banter to keep our spirits aloft in the face of work-life imbalances and the peculiar absence of a vacation mindset in the "land of the free."
As we meander through the minefield of immigration challenges, we dip our toes into the murky waters of the potential dystopian future of America. Will AI enforcers roam the streets, and will climate change ravage our cherished coffee beans? We consider the political undercurrents of today's America, weighing in on the significance of activism and the power of community in shaping a brighter future. From tales of protest to the nuances of tribal sovereignty, we uncover the multifaceted reality of American life, inviting listeners to join our candid conversation. Join us for an episode that will make you laugh, ponder, and perhaps even find solace in the shared journey of navigating life's unpredictable waypoints.
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Zombie Book Club Voicemail
(614) 699-0006
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https://zombie-book-club.myspreadshop.com
Embarking on the path to American citizenship is like navigating a thorny maze, complete with pitfalls and the occasional glimmer of hope. Leah's trek through this labyrinth has been a tale of persistence, dotted with absurdities only Dan's wit could dress up in comedic garb. We peel back the layers of paperwork and process, revealing personal stories from Leah's Canadian upbringing to the poignant struggles of maintaining one's identity amidst a bureaucratic whirlwind. All the while, we serve up a side of banter to keep our spirits aloft in the face of work-life imbalances and the peculiar absence of a vacation mindset in the "land of the free."
As we meander through the minefield of immigration challenges, we dip our toes into the murky waters of the potential dystopian future of America. Will AI enforcers roam the streets, and will climate change ravage our cherished coffee beans? We consider the political undercurrents of today's America, weighing in on the significance of activism and the power of community in shaping a brighter future. From tales of protest to the nuances of tribal sovereignty, we uncover the multifaceted reality of American life, inviting listeners to join our candid conversation. Join us for an episode that will make you laugh, ponder, and perhaps even find solace in the shared journey of navigating life's unpredictable waypoints.
Follow our linktree for social media links, and links to all the places you can find our podcast!
https://linktr.ee/zombiebookclub
ZBC Discord Server
https://discord.com/invite/8hCSb4eg
Zombie Book Club Voicemail
(614) 699-0006
Zombie Book Club Email
ZombieBookClubPodcast@gmail.com
Our Secret Website That Isn't Finished
https://zombiebookclub.io
Our Merchandise Store (Where you can find our Evil Magic Chicken Zombie Shirts)
https://zombie-book-club.myspreadshop.com
Welcome to the Zombie Book Club, the only book club where the book is a country and that country has the power to destroy the world. But there are aliens from Canada. Those aliens hide among us to become Americans. Follow the money. I'm Dan and when I'm not marrying aliens so that they can body snatch Americans and hide among us. I'm writing a book about how people see different people as threats and blame them for the zombie uprising, even though they themselves have no idea what's going on, because they're idiots oh, is that what I am now?
Speaker 2:because I'm leah and I'm an american baby? Yeah, you're an american baby, baby, baby. Today we're talking about the scariest nightmare I have ever lived through, and that's saying a lot, considering I talked about some survival stories last, casual, that episode. Uh, it's the journey to becoming an american citizen and whether that was a good idea. Today we're talking about the scariest nightmare I have ever lived through the journey to becoming an american citizen. Uh, was that a good idea, or did I just conscript myself to the front line of the apocalypse? Let's discuss, we'll find out. We release episodes every Sunday, so subscribe. First question.
Speaker 1:How easy is it to become an American? And follow-up question how are you using, how easy it is to steal American jobs?
Speaker 2:You need. To let me finish my intro Dan.
Speaker 1:Rude yeah, subscribe.
Speaker 2:It actually says subscribe. Yeah, this is a running joke, I think, at this point we have not said it correctly once.
Speaker 1:How are we doing this every time?
Speaker 2:Because we never fix the typo.
Speaker 1:Life update Leahah, uh-huh, um, I guess you know what my my life update right now is that I've been dealing with this onslaught of 14 hour days, um, which looks like those days will get longer next week yeah, because the sun is out longer.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and they want you for as long as the sun is up.
Speaker 1:Well, here's the thing about my work is that I don't give a fuck. So they've been wanting me to get to my starting location at seven o'clock in the morning, which means I need to leave our house at three thirty in the morning to do that, and I say fuck that shit.
Speaker 2:I think that that is the best way to to pursue a career is fuck that shit.
Speaker 1:And then, um, they're like get as many loads as you can by the end of the day. So that would mean running until four o'clock, and about two o'clock is when I say, fuck that shit, I'm leaving, and by the time I get back to the shop and park my truck that's a 14-hour day. So what I'm doing next week they will require me to be there at 7. They will require me to probably be there until 6. Oh my God. Which means I will probably get home at like 10 o'clock at night and I'll have to leave at 3.30. And I'm just going to do my best to not quit. I'm probably just going to continue showing up whenever the fuck I feel like it and then leaving before they want me to leave, and I'll just not care about that.
Speaker 2:Are you proud to be an American?
Speaker 1:Well, at least I know I'm free, so free in your choices. I'm free to work nonstop. Yeah, whatever happened to the eight hour workday Doesn't apply to you. It doesn't? It really doesn't. Also, I'm a truck driver, so I'm supposed to be subjected to hours of service, which limits me to 11 hours of driving and a total of 14 hours on the clock on the clock per day, um, and limited to 70 hours in a seven day period, in which case, if I go over, I need to stop working for 36 hours straight. Also, every eight hours, I'm supposed to take a 30 minute break. None of that applies to me because I work in construction and there's a loophole, I guess because you're seasonal, so they're just like well, you can rest in the winter time.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you can you can hibernate like a bear. In eight months you can. You can sleep that's basically it.
Speaker 2:It's a little messed up, but uh, you know our uh forebears, our ancestors fought, I think in the when was it Like the mid 1800s? They got the 40 hour work week.
Speaker 1:Yeah, In the mid 1800s, when we had slavery, they were like it's inhumane to make people work more than eight hours a day.
Speaker 2:Yeah, well, I've had jobs like that too. It was just me sitting at a computer, which is, I think, think a little bit cushier, but still really fucked up my body, and I'm very grateful to have a job now. That actually is like try and work about 40 hours a week, I I will say that, however, I'd like to work less, but that is, yeah, not not the topic today, although I guess it kind of is, because I am officially a citizen of the united states of amer and that means that I will never take vacation again. Because that's what Americans do they never take vacation, they just work until they die.
Speaker 1:Where would you want to go? Anywhere You're already in the greatest country in the world, why would you go anywhere else?
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's what everybody told me. I mean, a few people have said congratulations but a shocking number have not. We'll get into that a little bit when we talk about the United States with the apocalypse, but first I want to share about my story of becoming an immigrant to the United States, because before I share this I want to point out this was fucking tough y'all and it cost me about 10 grand and a lot of cortisol and stress running through my body which probably contributed to some of my chronic illnesses and a lot of gray hairs. I mean, I don't know if I can blame the gray hairs on the united states immigration system, because my mom went gray earlier than I did, but like I had a lot of gray hairs on my head, uh, for a 40 year old, I think so. But before I get into that uh tale, I will say on the uh front end that I have a lot of privilege actually in my immigration experience.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's true. Yeah, what do I have, dan? What do I if I was like in a? There was like a video game for immigrating to the United States Like, what do I have already in my backpack?
Speaker 1:Oh, so this is like. This is like Oregon Trail, yes, but it's called Immigration Trail. Yes, but it's called Immigration Trail. Yes, and you get to choose multiple different things when you're starting your trip. Yes, so there's a lot of choices, but everybody knows that there's one best choice to pick Uh-huh, because it gives you the most ability to navigate the rest of the game.
Speaker 2:And what is that and that's?
Speaker 1:being white.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes, I am lily, fucking white. Yeah, I was told when I lived in namibia that I was the whitest person they'd ever seen. Um, and that is correct. I, I am very pale and can spend very little time in the sun, and maybe we should have done a vampire podcast, because I, I do really relate to vampires it's not too late. It's not, maybe in the future. I do love a good van yeah, we could.
Speaker 2:We could have a zombie podcast and a vampire podcast that'd be wonderful, but in the meantime, um, some other things that are in my uh video game backpack for immigration. So I'm white, I'm a native english speaker.
Speaker 1:Really helpful yeah and uh, also your. Your accent is not very noticeable no, most people.
Speaker 2:When I I don't know, I'm curious what the listeners think my accent is like. But when I first got to the united states, most people would peg me as like a wisconsiner yeah yeah, um, I could see that they. They would never guess canadian. Now I was in georgia so I think, but I guess, yeah, wisconsin's like right across the border. So it makes sense and I think there are some similarities across the border from canada.
Speaker 1:Oh so like far away from georgia, though.
Speaker 2:You know the the border of georgia, wisconsin I will just say, when I moved to georgia, the the accent gap and comprehension gap between myself and a lot of georgians. There's a lot of us looking at each other and being like what?
Speaker 1:yeah, on both sides little things, things like when you go to Waffle House and you ask for tea. Oh my, God. And they're like, and you're like, you want hot tea, and they're like, so you want me to take the tea and make it hot.
Speaker 2:Well, I said I wanted tea and then they gave me an ice what I think of as an iced tea and then I was like, no, I want a tea that's like hot. Then I learned it's actually called hot tea. And then they brought me hot tea with creamer and I was like, could I have like a side of milk? Because that's how you drink it in the UK and in Canada. It's like a little bit of milk, not cream. And they just looked at me and then they brought me an entire cup of milk.
Speaker 2:So there are cultural differences, okay, but there's like also a lot of clearly similarities. So white English speaking and, I think, canadian, I would say it's probably a little bit easier for me to blend in than somebody from the UK. I have some friends who are British immigrants and the accent sticks around a little bit more. I think clearly and noticeably, and beyond that, also being Canadian means that I had my master's degree completely paid for. Yeah, master's degree completely paid for, yeah. So I did have some student debt from my undergrad, um, but I did not have any student debt at all from my master's degree, whereas if I'd got my master's degree in the united states I'd probably be 100k in the whole.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you'd still be paying for it easily.
Speaker 2:Yeah, um, so those are the things I had in my little immigrant after a good portion of it was forgiven by recent bills from the Biden administration.
Speaker 1:You'd be like oh, thank God, the government's forgiven some of my debt. Now I only owe $100,000.
Speaker 2:Instead of $110,000 or whatever.
Speaker 1:I hope I get to buy a house one day.
Speaker 2:Oh my God. Yeah, Well, that's speaking of privilege again. We only have this house because I have some level of generational wealth and my mom helped us out, and by wealth I mean she had a little bit of money. No, I'm not wealthy. I'm not going to be inheriting anything of any. I don't know if I'm going to be inheriting anything, actually, because I told my mom that she should make sure she's OK in her old age. That's my priority.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean that's that's good, that I think that's great. Yeah, I mean, who knows what?
Speaker 2:my situation is going to be like. I have no idea. I'm assuming we're not going to get anything from our parents, which I think is like a lot of people I mean like a lot of americans, because I'm an american baby yeah, you know, the good thing is that at least I don't have any father figures that I'm going to have to worry about in their old age that's a win, yeah, maybe.
Speaker 1:I always kind of wonder and hope they'll get like a random windfall, like a guilt windfall yeah, like they just show up one day and they're like well, I wanted to be in your life dan's dad disappeared. When you're how old two, yeah, but then like full-time definitely totally gone well, yeah, he was, he was uh he he would visit like once a year.
Speaker 1:He was in the navy, so he lived a long way away. So like I kind of forgave that. But then I in adulthood I'm like he really didn't call more than once a year either. Yeah, and I think usually when he called he'd be like I gotta make this short because long distance is expensive. It was back then. It's like you're in the navy, you don't even you don't even pay rent, spend some money on a fucking phone call. Dude, poor little baby dan. But uh, yeah, I think uh, let's see, seventh grade was the last time I ever heard from him so you're like 13 maybe, yeah, 12, 13, yeah, so that's not great I have no idea how to segue that to my immigration journey I mean that's a guarantee.
Speaker 2:Yeah, well, I mean, you never know dan's making all kinds of sounds because we've decided to start drinking at 10 am. We'll tell you more about that in the next recording. We're americans, we're back to backing these episodes and no, we do not normally drink in the morning. In fact, it's my first time um and it's to celebrate being an american, yes, so what do you want to know about my survival story of immigration now that we know what I've got in my backpack?
Speaker 1:I want you to tell me everything right from the beginning. Where were you?
Speaker 2:born. I was born. I actually had to do a lot of this in my interviews for immigration. I was born in a cute little town called Lindsay, ontario. Population I think I don't even know if it was 30,000 at the time.
Speaker 1:I think it's around 30,000 now. Now, or at least last time I checked, which was maybe a decade ago, so it could be bigger now. You know, that's very comparable to the town that I live here.
Speaker 2:Yeah uh, watertown, new york 26 000 I think they have yeah, I, I was born there, but I grew up in a little tiny town outside of a little tiny town called woodville, ontario, and, uh, I ended up in augusta. Uh, fun fact, dan, I was in augusta too. I know how did that happen. Um, when, dan, when you joined the military at some point, you were in augusta. This is before I uh came down to see you, and I must have been before I went to university. Actually, you were already stationed in augusta, because I remember, I remember I don't think google even existed back then. I remember searching on yahoo, maybe, um, for universities, and I found the university of augusta, jeeves I might have asked jeeves, is there a decent program?
Speaker 2:and there was like a creative writing program or something that I considered going to because I was very in love with dan, um, but that didn't happen, and that's a whole other story. Oh yeah, it's a long story, it is, so we're going to try and keep that part short. But basically, after my master's degree, I was like hi, dan, I'd like to come see you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I was like that sounds awesome.
Speaker 2:I come to visit you, dan, and this is late 2009. And then I decide to stay, and then you end up. I end up in a very long story. Okay, this is a long story.
Speaker 1:For another time. I end up back in Augusta. This is a story that spans like 20 years.
Speaker 2:Yes, our relationship is a story tale that I might write a book about one day, but the short and uncomplicated and frankly makes me look better than I am as a person version is I came to visit Dan. Dan ended up back in Copenhagen. I ended up in Canada with him briefly, then I went back to Georgia to be with my now ex-wife.
Speaker 1:Like we said, it's a long story.
Speaker 2:Yes, Judge me, feel free, it was complicated, but no, there was no cheating cheating involved. I want to be very clear about that. Um, it was a time where I was figuring out who the fuck I was and dan knew that. So, anyways, I end up deciding 2010. I'm gonna move to augusta at this point. I've been back and forth to the united states a billion times and the border has my car flagged, so every time I go to the border, they stop me, and they typically stop me and pull me into the little immigration place.
Speaker 2:And, speaking of my whiteness, I am often the only white person sitting there waiting to talk to an immigration officer I remember we sat in there together we did, yeah, and it's like very starkly noticeable and the only reason that I was in there was because of the frequency, so things that I'm going to give some tips. If you're ever crossing the border frequently, one don't have oppositional defiance disorder and say talk back to the border guard. They take their job really seriously. So when they like accuse you of the potential that you are going to stay in the United States illegally forever and not come back because you've been visiting so often, don't tell them you would never become an American citizen because you would never give up your Canadian health care.
Speaker 1:That got me stuck in a room for three hours.
Speaker 2:They wouldn't give me water and they told me I had no rights which is not true, by the way, but that was what happened to me.
Speaker 1:You know what I told them? What Remember? When we got pulled in, they asked me what guarantee there was that I would ever come back to the United States. Yeah, and I said well, obviously it's because this is the greatest country in the world.
Speaker 2:You said that to a Canadian border guard. I don't know, I guess so yeah, because you've been going into Canada. And what did the Canadian border guard say?
Speaker 1:I really don't remember that much, but they let us go.
Speaker 2:I think that the reason we got pulled over that time was because to like search the car was because I was picking you up to come into Canada with me and it was very late at night that we were driving.
Speaker 1:And the car was packed full of my stuff. Yeah, so it looks suspicious.
Speaker 2:Other things that have happened to me at the border is I have a neck tattoo and it's some words from a favorite song of mine from a very long time ago. It's no longer my favorite song inside and I'm our song and I'm probably going to get it covered up, but anyways, I also learned that if you have a neck tattoo and you have long hair, you should keep your hair down so the border guard can't see it, otherwise they'll think you're a drug dealer. Obviously, yeah, and only drug dealers have tattoos. Ask you if you a drug dealer, interrogate you a bunch about what it says. And then this time the guy was like how do I know you're not transporting drugs across the border? And I was like I'm not. And he was like what does your tattoo say? And I said it says don't dive shallow in deep dark water. And he's like that sounds really ominous and I was like it's a song lyric from Hawksley Workman, who's a Canadian folk singer, and it's a love song called no Beginning, no End.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like it's just about, like going for it. It's about going for it even if you don't know the outcome, which is what I was doing. It sounds like doing heroin to me, yeah. And then he was like, well, you know, people who are gangsters or people in gangs have neck tattoos. And I was just like, well, dude, I'm an artist. And he's like pop the trunk. And you know what was in my trunk, dan? What a bunch of art supplies. And he literally came back to me it was like, oh, it all makes sense now.
Speaker 1:And he let me go yeah, you think it makes sense. You think that just somebody with a random tattoo from a song lyric it just makes more sense that they just have a tattoo than they're transporting drugs illegally across the Canadian border and that having a whole bunch of paintbrushes in your trunk just makes it all fit together.
Speaker 2:It did so I guess that's the tip. I'm not recommending you conduct anything illegal, but I guess if you wanted to transport drugs, this might be a good cover.
Speaker 1:Put them inside of paintbrushes.
Speaker 2:Yeah, they'll never see it coming. Cover, put them inside of paint brushes yeah, they'll never see it coming. Hide them inside of paint. Actually, I'd put it in like uh, if I was gonna do this which I'm not again uh, I'd put it inside of the paint um tubes, the tubes of paint, yeah, that'd be a good, like the big tubes of paint or tubs of paint, um. So lots of things like that happened, uh. So the border it became a source of my nightmares for a really long time. I'd have a lot of stress, border dreams.
Speaker 2:But basically fast forward to me deciding to be with my ex wife, who at that time was just my girlfriend. And the reason why I decided to stay in the United States was because one, I didn't have a job in Canada. I had gone to visit Dan right after I finished my master's and my money was running out. But my ex wife did have a job and it was like well, this doesn't make sense for us to go to where we don't both have jobs. Two, my family wasn't very happy with me for being with a woman at all. They got over it, I think. I mean, I think there was like it's just a phase when I got together with Dan and they were like oh, you're with a guy again.
Speaker 2:Yeah, obviously this was all an eight year phase of my life, uh, yeah, and the other thing was, when I started researching about, like, what would it take for me to stay in the united states and immigrate, I first of all learned it's really fucking hard for anybody who's listening to this that I I don't believe we have listeners that might have this view, but in case you have, you know, inherited this view from your uh region that tells these kinds of things, or maybe your parents have said this shit to you or you watch too much fox news, all of those quote-unquote illegals. Uh, first of all, terrible term, undocumented migrants have really no other option when you look at their situation. They are trying to survive and feed their family, and getting any kind of legal status in the united states is very, very difficult and very expensive, and you have to either marry somebody, win a lotto like there's a literal lottery, so you're just like playing the lotto to get a green card or you um, did I already say you have to marry somebody?
Speaker 1:I think so yeah.
Speaker 2:So the last one is you have to have such an amazing skill or talent that they can prove that they can't find anyone like you in the united states yeah, you have to be the only person that can do what you do. The burden of proof is on the people who are hiring you, so it's not easy. Like superstars get this kind of shit. Um, mad scientists get those kinds of visas. Little leah, who just finished her master's, get those kinds of visas.
Speaker 1:Little Leah, who just finished her master's not that special. Yeah, Gavin from Rooster Teeth had to invent a new kind of video trend by doing slow motion videography back in 2011. He bought a $100,000 slow motion camera and started filming things in slow motion and he's like, yeah, I do slow motion videography and nobody's doing that.
Speaker 2:So that's how he justified it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, interesting, but also he had to have like a news report about him or like a TV interview and like other people from the country that he's coming from, saying that he was an expert in his field.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, there's a lot of things. There's a lot of burden of proof. But from saying that he was an expert in his field yeah, yeah, there's a lot of things, there's a lot of burden of proof. But here's where my privilege comes in. Through my research I learned that there's this thing because of NAFTA the North American Free Trade Agreement that if you have a certain set of academic qualifications then there are like 50 jobs that you are eligible to do if that align with specific credentials.
Speaker 2:And the credentials I have for my master's degree made me legally eligible to get a temporary work visa three year work visa to either be a teacher of some kind at a university or research coordinator.
Speaker 2:So the first thing I did was like knock on a bunch of doors, literally email people at the two local universities at Augusta and be like Hi, I'm here. I got this master's degree and some teaching experience from being a teaching assistant back in Canada and I was doing my master's degree and I have some research experience from when I was in Namibia. Can I have a job please? And also, you have to like write a letter saying that you want to hire me so I can go to the border and then present all my credentials and like prove to them that I'm valid, then I pay 50 bucks. And then present all my credentials and prove to them that I'm valid, then I pay 50 bucks and then I get a job. Basically is how it worked. It's more complicated than that, but that's the short version and I got really lucky because, turns out, even though there's no way they would have paid for me to immigrate, my specific credentials were hotly wanted in Augusta, georgia.
Speaker 1:You know I'm not surprised, considering the first thing that I saw when I was considering the first thing that I saw when I was getting off the plane from ait in the army to come to fort gordon, georgia, just outside of augusta, the first thing that I saw we pulled into a school to turn around and, uh, you know those big signs that they put up things that are like you know, potluck on thursday or go tigers.
Speaker 2:Yeah, there said 100 literacy is our goal and I'm like wrong time to swallow my drink I'm like wow, that is, we are in georgia, yes, we are.
Speaker 2:Um, I mean, literacy is an issue in canada too, but probably not as bad as augusta, georgia, just because of how poorly funded the education system is and how there's pretty much no social safety network down there. So, anyways, I got lucky. I got two jobs. I got two part-time jobs teaching anthropology at Augusta State University and doing research coordination at what was then called the Medical College of Georgia Boring story for anybody not from Augusta but eventually those two things consolidated into one one. I had a lot of problems getting paid because they were really confused by my two jobs in one university situation, but anyways, um, what makes this harrowing at the time was because I was with a woman, so what that meant. This is a Augusta Georgia in 2010, 2011 ish oh, is that bad?
Speaker 2:yeah, yeah, um, the chair of one of the departments I worked for I'm not going to say which one was extremely fucking homophobic and there were no protections for you as a gay person. I think you should name them. I don't remember their name. Honestly, I blocked it out and that place has hired some super racist people like unbelievable that's probably a like credential there.
Speaker 2:Yeah probably like I remember the dean of one college like uh, doing some background research with a colleague there and learning that they were like explicitly part of a white supremacist party and they got hired and I was like how is this person fucking in charge of this place has unique experiences. Oh my god, horrifying people. So anyways, I had to hide, uh, that I was with a woman. So things that would happen to me at work a lot is like people would try and set me up with their sons. Um, we only had one vehicle at the time, a very excellent ford mustang that I loved, named philly after my grandma phyllis, and uh would have to bleep the name out, please.
Speaker 2:Ex-wife would have not get girlfriend at the time, would have to take me to work early in the morning at the back door where nobody entered so that nobody would ever see her, so no one would know that I was with her. So my job was not at risk because again, if I lost that job or the other job, I would have to leave. Have to leave um. So again, like this is an example where I have a lot of privilege being white, well educated, paid for by my government, not the result of um being able to pay for it myself.
Speaker 2:But I'm queer and it's clear, because I'm with a woman and that is not a good thing in georgia yeah, um so it's very stressful you know, even though like augusta's, fairly like progressive for georgia, it's it was, it was still not, it's not a good place I'm pretty sure I've already told the story in this podcast about how a social justice instructor came to a program I went to and said that trans people don't count as people, basically. So no, yeah, it's like it's not, it's progressive for georgia. I think that is the yeah. And there are lots of people love to be clear, right Like there is a great LGBTQ plus community there. There's lots of people who are progressive, but they are still a minority.
Speaker 1:They need their own social net.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we took care of each other.
Speaker 1:It's I, you know, I've, I've, I've weaved myself in and out of those of those areas in my years in Augusta and I've found that, like, like their, their society that they've formed, like underneath the surface of what you see in the south, like it's, it's, it's, so, it's like these bonds are so strong because they have to be yeah, yeah, I mean, it's your, it's your community, it's your family.
Speaker 2:That's like that was a code term back in the day down there. It was like are you family? That was how people would like are you family? And they'd be like wink not.
Speaker 1:I feel like people have asked me that and I didn't know what they were talking about.
Speaker 2:Well, that's how you know. You weren't queer.
Speaker 1:Are you asking if I want to go to Olive Garden? Oh my God.
Speaker 2:You're so straight. Straight. I'm married to a straight cis man. It's wonderful, actually, because you're wonderful, but didn't expect that to happen in my lifetime. I will say that after being with a woman for so long. So I was there for the very first Augusta Pride Parade, which was awesome.
Speaker 1:I didn't realize that was the first.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah. And the border was a weird experience. Every time my ex and I would cross the border, we'd have to pretend to be friends and roommates Because, again, if the border guard knew that we were a couple, that would prove I had intent to stay beyond my three-year temporary visa. That's what they tried to get me for.
Speaker 1:Yes, intent to stay when I so expertly dodged their questions by insulting the country that I came from yeah, so that's how you do it don't insult the country you're going to bad idea, bad idea I inadvertently did a good thing, I guess. Yeah, um, they're like yeah, we're, we're with you.
Speaker 2:America sucks I will also say I immigrated in the era of Obama and I don't know if I would have made the choice to move to the United States in any other era.
Speaker 1:To be completely frank, and I am not saying Obama was like a saint.
Speaker 2:His international politics were bad not any better than pretty much anybody else's he was bombing the shit out of Pakistan but his uh, he was more socially progressive within the United States and under his um time I actually got access to the affordable care act. I had access to healthcare for the first time in a long time, which, uh, let me tell you, my introduction to the U S healthcare system sucked. I had no money and I actually broke my ankle, um, and I didn't go to the doctor because I couldn't afford to. And then I finally made back up to Canada to get my temporary visas and then I went to the doctor and then I learned I had a broken ankle. So I wandered around on a broken ankle for about six months Thanks America, because I had no money. So, yeah, obama got me the Affordable Care Act and he also set up a Supreme Court where the defensive marriage act that was put into place by bill clinton in the mid 90s, which was basically defensive marriages the marriages between one man and one woman that fell in 2015.
Speaker 1:So that'll set the stage for me to get married. For you, it was realize you were so tight with bro thanks obama.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I will say like again. I think that he is one of the political leaders that I can say has had the most impact on my life, and I don't know that I would have moved here if he was not president. I think it would have been a different experience.
Speaker 1:So then happily ever after. Everything works out after that right.
Speaker 2:Oh, it's great. Yeah, so I get married. I get my temporary green card because that's how it works. You have to get, you have to get married. I get my temporary green card because that's how it works. You have to get married. And they have to get a two-year temporary green card, because lots of people and this is, I shouldn't say, lots this is true. Immigration fraud is real, because I just explained how fucking hard it is. Yeah, so people will marry people that they don't care about in order to get access.
Speaker 1:It's literally the easiest way to do it, and it's still not easy If you've got the money. No, money.
Speaker 2:No, it's not easy. It, I would imagine, very stressful and scary and you got to pay a lot of people to do it. I think for some people it's probably the only option yes, for many people it's the only option. So, um, you can judge them. I don't, having been through all of this, like there's reasons people want to move or need to move, and I don't really believe in borders. So just saying I shouldn't say that because I did just swear field you don don't believe they exist.
Speaker 2:Oh, they exist in the minds of people and then we enforce them with guns, oh, ok, yeah I was going to say and checkpoints and fences that are fucking up wildlife and harming people. But you know, but they are ideas. The United States is an idea, actually, biden's little welcome video tells me the United States is an idea that I just agreed yeah, how was the welcome video?
Speaker 1:how many zeds would you give it?
Speaker 2:no comment. We'll get into why I'm being a little cagey about some parts of being an american citizen, because while I am an american citizen now it can be taken away from me. Uh, so I have to be. I still have to be thoughtful a little bit, yeah, um, so yeah, anyways, get have a two-year conditional visa. Then another story for another time. I have a disastrous end to my marriage, did not see it card, and part of that is proving that you're still with the person that you got the conditional permanent residency card, from which I could not do so.
Speaker 2:I had to hire a lawyer and I had to get a bunch of neighbors and friends write letters about what my ex did and that my relationship was legitimate, and how long they'd known me and in what purposes and what we'd done together to prove that I had not, uh, done this with the sole intent of getting us citizenship very stressful. This was the time in my life where I'd eat one sweet potato a day because I just couldn't bring myself to and a glass of wine.
Speaker 1:Scary and sometimes a square of chocolate.
Speaker 2:A square of chocolate yeah, I was really indulging while standing over the stove yeah, so, um, thankfully, I got my permanent residence after that. So, again, though, I had the money to get a lawyer and I had the friends who could write those things, because all my friends were also english speaking and they had to be notarized. It was a whole thing. Um got my 10-year permanent residency and then applied for citizenship this year and, honestly, my citizenship experience was a fucking cakewalk. So easy, yeah.
Speaker 1:I mean compared to everything else?
Speaker 2:Yeah At that point it was like I had to memorize some answers to some stupid questions. You had to know who Benjamin Franklin was.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And when we pay our taxes. That's the best question on that thing is April 15th and I had to say no to a bunch of questions, so I'd actually like to do a pop quiz for Americans about whether you would be eligible to immigrate.
Speaker 1:Do you want me to?
Speaker 2:answer yeah, you can't incriminate. What are they going to do to you? Okay, dan, have you ever done drugs, even if you've never been caught? Illegal drugs, oh, illegal, yeah, even if you've never been caught. No, they've all been perfectly legal. Oh, I see You're being real honest on this. Um, have you ever done anything illegal, even if never caught anything? Jaywalking?
Speaker 1:I've never done anything illegal.
Speaker 2:You never shoplifted when you were a kid um, that wasn't illegal okay, um. Have you ever been a member of the communist party? Not yet have you ever been a prostitute in the last 14 years?
Speaker 1:again, they use prostitute instead of sex worker, which I don't like uh no, I have not been paid, so that does not count as prostitution have you ever killed anyone in this country?
Speaker 2:just period. Have you ever killed anyone? Uh, I plead the fifth, see. Uh, have you ever worked for the military? Yes, yeah, um, do you plan to conduct espionage?
Speaker 1:um, you know what I'm? My espionage days are over but you have.
Speaker 2:You have conducted espionage, I have conducted us. You have already failed this test. Um. Can you tell me it was for the united states, doesn't matter. Can you tell me the exact start and end dates of everywhere you have lived and worked for the last 10 years? The exact one, absolutely not.
Speaker 2:Have you ever participated in polygamy, polygamy, yeah oh wait, poly, I'm confusing it with polyamory, yeah, no, polygamy, polygamy so have you ever had like lots of ladies, oh, ladies, yeah, one dude, lots of ladies is polygamy. I'm thinking of polytheism, that's a, a religion, that's a religious worldview. No, just one at a time, just one at a time. So serial monogamous, yeah. Will you take up arms for the United States, if required by law?
Speaker 1:Do I get credit for already having done that? Maybe.
Speaker 2:Actually, that is a pathway to citizenship is joining the US Army.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because I don't really feel like doing it anymore. Uh, what is every nickname you've ever been called, ever? Oh, okay, love this one. Um, bobcat chainsaw, meat hooks oh, danger, uh martyr machine.
Speaker 2:Wow um ranger six. Uh machine wow um ranger six. Uh, what about what your mom called you when you were little? Oh uh, danny boy. Okay, that was it. You never got called like boo boo daniel san daniel san.
Speaker 1:What else um the? My neighbor called me danny the greek you know you're forgetting the nicknames.
Speaker 2:I call you. You'd have to put those on there too. Dan the man from pakistan oh my god really yeah, I'm not from pakistan give them one embarrassing thing that I call you because you'd have to put those on there too.
Speaker 1:Dan the man from Pakistan. Oh my God, really, yeah, I'm not from Pakistan. Give them one embarrassing thing that I call you because you'd have to put it on this application. I don't know what would it be Blueberry bear.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, I'm a blueberry bear. You have to write them all, folks. And why do you have to write them all? Because, on technicalities, if say you are socialist and you live in the United States and they don't like you and you're being politically active and you're trying to change the economic system of the United States, which is also one of the questions on the hundred questions, it's capitalism, vanilla gorilla, vanilla gorilla. Yeah, but anyways, if you didn't list all of them and they found out that you forgot one, they can revoke your citizenship. If they find out that anything that you said in your application period was untrue, I've also gone by your citizenship um alternative names like philip butts, uh.
Speaker 1:Randy watson and the sexual chocolate, wow, um. Ah, you know, I think that covers it.
Speaker 2:You also have to have start and end dates for every time you've left the country every time no, that was a really tough one.
Speaker 2:I had to like define country and thank god honestly, thanks for the thanks for, uh, the pandemic, because I didn't travel that much the last few years, so it made it easier. Like I only went to Canada a couple of times, so in the past I would have been like fuck, I don't know, but you have to record all of it, so it's not, it's not fun, but even so it was super easy. The swearing in ceremony took 10 minutes and then Dan took a picture of me with the flag.
Speaker 1:A guy in the army called me Puerto Rican. These are. A guy in the army called me Puerto Rican what? Yeah, because when I'm in the sun I get really dark and he said that I could pass as a Puerto Rican. What race was this person? He was Puerto Rican, Okay.
Speaker 2:That makes it okay, so it was actually an honor to be called.
Speaker 1:He said I could pass as a Puerto Rican.
Speaker 2:Well, I don't think you would be eligible to be an immigrant. Oh, have you ever participated in genocide? Oh, I'm going to say no. What about the one in Gaza?
Speaker 1:You know what my tax dollars. So I guess there's a variable level of participation. So yeah, I don't know I could stop paying taxes. That would probably also get you kicked out pretty fast. Well, you know what, if, uh, if ever, I get my, my va disability, I'll stop paying yeah, so that's my story.
Speaker 2:And then we ate really good food at a vegan spot called uh, I forget what it's called yeah in burlington yeah, it was a good place, palango or something like that. We we got a burger.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it was good.
Speaker 2:Yeah, they gave us the baby handful of chips a hilariously small handful of chips, like something that you would put in a child's palm yeah, and then they had a whole bunch of plant-based uh desserts and I just looked down at the case and I was like give me one of each. I just became a citizen. She's like are you joking?
Speaker 1:I'm like no, no to both of those things.
Speaker 2:I want all of them, and I just became a citizen, so we're slowly working our way through those. The orange cupcake was my favorite so far. So here's something people have said to me moving into our United States of the apocalypse which, by the way, I get to be a dual citizen as long as I never work for the canadian government, I'll be able to retain my american citizenship. Okay, so I can leave if I want to. I have I have a get out of jail free card.
Speaker 1:so they say, uh, but things there's no extradition things between canada and the us oh no, there is, but that's less.
Speaker 2:That's not gonna I can get. Oh, that's actually one of great things I can get arrested now and I won't get deported. I'm really excited about that. I can vote, I can protest without fear of getting arrested and deported. Those are the things I'm most excited about. Yeah, you can kill a guy. Also, I'm pretty sure I can join the Communist Party now that I'm an American and that'll be fine. And that's hilarious.
Speaker 1:Because I've never been in it up until this point.
Speaker 2:But things Americans have said to me Welcome to a sinking ship. Why would you want to come here when you could be anywhere else? Are you seriously going to leave canada for this shithole? Are you sure you really want to do this? Um, a few people have just said congratulations and actually one of my co-workers is an immigrant and, um, she has been very helpful helpful for this whole process and very supportive and like sending me congratulations and actually wanted to mail me a red hat that says immigrants make America great. That looks like the other red hat.
Speaker 2:So that's been lovely, but yeah, it hasn't People have. I think the general outlook, at least of my circle of people, about the trajectory of the United States is not good Apocalyptic.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know I've thought about this once or twice. Yeah, what the future might look like here.
Speaker 2:Yeah, what do you think that I just signed up for as a US citizen? Like where are we going to be in the next 10 years? Am I going to regret this?
Speaker 1:Is this what the episode is titled after?
Speaker 2:Yeah oh, united States of the Apocalypse.
Speaker 1:I have some ideas. Okay, here we go. I found my spot in our notes that I made go away when I hit my cursor and it went to the top of the page. Yeah, First off, quick aside our current notes for episodes what is it? 41 to 50? Uh-huh, we're on episode what? 44 now, yes, 22 pages long.
Speaker 2:That's a lot of bullet points to be clear.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that is true. I feel like if these were words in a book, we could have published an entire series.
Speaker 2:Maybe we should publish a zombie book club book. That would be kind of fun. It's just our show notes. We could make a fun book.
Speaker 1:Okay, so here's some ideas that I had about what things are going to look like in the next 10 years.
Speaker 2:Number one AI robot dogs with flamethrowers will be hunting and killing us for speaking out against the government and they will definitely be part of cop cities that are popping up all over the united states right now or maybe they'll get rid of cop cities because all the right ai robot dogs will do a better jobs and don't need cities I mean, don't they basically already have like ai robot cops in new york city?
Speaker 1:I don't know I think they do.
Speaker 2:I've heard some like weird, yeah, uh, shit there I.
Speaker 1:I seem to remember that somebody like vandalized one and like spray painted over the cameras and like put a bunch of bullshit on it. I do not endorse this wink wink also somebody. Uh, somebody vandalized an automated car it was like an automated tesla or something and and they just completely fucked it up, they set it on fire. That's wonderful.
Speaker 2:Good for you. I love that, yeah. Well, I don't love this future. Okay, so that's not very encouraging. So far of what I signed up for.
Speaker 1:Houses will be unaffordable. I think we've already arrived there, the people in charge of the mortgages. I learned this a long time ago and I don't remember who's in charge of setting mortgages, but they are shifting from private mortgage to commercial loans, so they don't want to issue private mortgages anymore to people buying homes.
Speaker 2:They don't want. The one way for a person with moderate income to gain wealth from which is land ownership.
Speaker 1:So already they've made houses unaffordable, yeah, but also they're shifting it so that even if you had the means, it will be incredibly difficult to get unless you are starting a business of buying houses to rent, To be a landlord.
Speaker 2:So we're going back to the feudal system to rent to be a landlord.
Speaker 1:So we're going back to the feudal system. So my prediction is that we're going to just start stacking mobile homes and campers on top of each other like skyscrapers, and we'll be warming ourselves around burning trash cans inside of them.
Speaker 2:You know, we might as well just get a head start. We could start doing this on our land.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean we could be landlords. Oh my God, just start stacking trailers. I landlords. Oh my God, just start stacking trailers. I do not want to be a landlord. As a result, trash as a heating fuel will also become expensive.
Speaker 2:What does that say about our climate future?
Speaker 1:That concerns me Well funny. You mentioned that the air will be unbreathable. The water will be undrinkable. We'll have to buy air canisters from Nestle, oh my God. And Nestle will be funding a genocide to steal people's oxygen.
Speaker 2:Considering Shell funded a genocide in Nigeria to get oil of the Ogoni people this is already happening.
Speaker 1:This is totally believable. Other natural resources and my final prediction is that the Cybertruck 2 will be out. No improvements will be made, However. The edges of the trunks and doors that are crushing people's fingers will now have razor sharp edges to avoid that defect.
Speaker 2:Wow, so just slice them off.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean, it's just better that way.
Speaker 2:Okay, this is your prediction of what the US will be like in 10 years. Yeah, okay, here's mine off the cuff. Not only will water be undrinkable, it will be uh, it will be drought in a solid 70 percent of the united states.
Speaker 1:Yeah, what little water is left will just be a sludge access.
Speaker 2:All the aquifers will be drained um.
Speaker 2:Our food system is going to be fucked because climate change is making seasons more and more unpredictable growing seasons um, things like chocolate and coffee are going to be extremely expensive, um, rarities, because the cost of them to produce them will go way, way up because it's again climate change and, um, we'll probably eat a lot of canned food and we'll have to go back to some level of seasonal food and there's we'll have to go back to some level of seasonal food and there's a possibility we could go back to, like Great Depression level days where there's food rationing.
Speaker 1:I think maybe nutrient enriched cardboard. They enrich the cardboard through a process of smashing mealworms into it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we'll definitely be eating a lot of insects, yeah, which will further, uh, decimate the diversity of our ecosystems yeah that'll, it'll just be mealworms, yeah there and we'll have a huge die off of birds because we have stolen one of their main food sources. There already has been a big yeah there will be no birds yeah, that's so sad.
Speaker 2:Um, what else? There will be wars over water. Oh, within the united states, uh, people will be fencing, like the people who live in, um, gated communities will have like badass walls like, uh, walking dead style, because everybody on the outside of those communities is going to be deeply desperate and leaving is going to be very dangerous yeah, they're gonna smash uh, uh glass bottles on the tops of the walls yep so you can't climb over which, again, these things already exist in many parts of the world and you know what's gonna happen even more, everybody who's on the outside of those gay communities is going to be the blamed, as the problem they are, uh, all going to be seen as criminals, degenerates, subhuman, and it'll be really easy to just kill them.
Speaker 1:Yeah, they're just greedy and they want to take what we worked so hard for.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know they were over here building these skyscrapers of trailers and they just want to live in them oh, also, there will be feral horses and cows all over the place, because predictable food for farm animals will become very, very difficult and the cost of taking care of them will be almost impossible. And there will be very few large animal vets, because there's already a large animal vet crisis happening right now. So people who had those kinds of animals are going to just let them roam free because they don't have a they can't afford to take care of.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you don't think. They just eat them, they just go and do a cow genocide.
Speaker 2:I mean, isn't that kind of what I?
Speaker 1:mean I want to use the word genocide.
Speaker 2:I don't want to be cash, but we do kill a lot of cows every year they're just like look, farming is unsustainable. Let's just clear out what we got, take our chips and cash out.
Speaker 1:Oh the redwoods will be cut down. Oh, yeah, for sure. Yeah, yeah to uh to make the cardboard. Yes, for us to eat yeah, uh, what else?
Speaker 2:the border will become even more intense and difficult to cross, dan, and I remember a time, very briefly, where all you had to have was like id'd across the border.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I was. I was barely barely adult, long enough for that to happen yeah, because 9 11 happened and then that's when things got a lot. It was two months. Yeah, I was an adult for two months, during a time where I could freely cross the border yeah.
Speaker 2:Any other predictions that we have? Oh, um, people are going to be jobless, yeah it.
Speaker 1:It's also going to the summers in Vermont will probably reach 140 degrees.
Speaker 2:I mean, I don't think 140 where we live is actually like relatively OK for climate. So there'll be a lot of climate refugees coming to Vermont, which means there'll be a lot of deforestation to make room for people to live. And actually there is a thing that's happening in the town in a couple of weeks where we are going to be discussing and voting on whether or not we want to have additional precautions around flooding and changing some of the bylaws so that less land can be developed for flooding and there can be more like contingency things so that if it does flood, 250 maybe I don't know the name of the land, the land use provision that was put into place 150 years ago.
Speaker 2:No, it's an update to that. Because of the floods, because of Hurricane Irene a few years ago and then the floods yesterday or yesterday feels like it the floods from last year that decimated a lot of Vermont they're realizing that this is only going to get worse. Yeah, so they're proposing some new measures of um land use that should protect people from more damages there's.
Speaker 1:there's a house that I drive past every day now and they spray painted on the side of the houselaw which is 106025. Okay, and for the longest time. I'm like is he trying to rally people to January 6th 2025? Oh shit. But then I realized it was just the file number of that code. Yeah, but what's weird is I don't know how he wants people to vote for that. Is it yes or is it no? I don't know what this is.
Speaker 2:I think maybe, maybe he's just spreading awareness. Yeah, just look at it. Either way, we got a letter from our town, so I'm going to go to this event, cause now that I'm a citizen, I feel more invested in showing up for these things. It was kind of demoralizing and hard for the first 14 years of living here to be like, well, I mean, I have done things to contribute, but I do feel like I want to get more involved in local politics now that I feel like I can actually vote for them and make decisions, which is very exciting. But the other thing that I think will be happening is natural disasters will be really, really common and there will be minimal or no government intervention.
Speaker 1:So basically, we're fucked the government will be busy, uh, trying to rally people against each other instead of focusing on what's going on with the climate and right what they're doing overseas to steal people's air canisters, with the help of Nestle's funding, of course, and they're going to be creating bigger and bigger cultural divides, to the boiling point where citizens are now fighting each other in the streets and there's a full-out civil war, though the government can deny that there is actually a war because it's not actually. The government can deny that there is actually a war because it's not actually the government involved. They're just allowing the citizens people shooting each other.
Speaker 2:Cool, cool, cool.
Speaker 2:I will say this is a very dark narrative and I want to just briefly offer the potential, the potential, um, of an alternate vision of reality that we can help participate in now.
Speaker 2:First of, thank you to the students all over the United States and across the world for your encampments about the Gaza genocide. That is crucial. Those kinds of protests right now are one of the few venues that we really have to make a difference as a collective, and I think the biggest thing that we can be doing now to prevent this kind of fucked up future and I hate saying it because I don't want to do this is getting to know our neighbors, ah, uh, building a community, um, figuring out what mutual aid looks like locally, uh, investing in friendships and ways of supporting each other now, and figuring out what you have in common with the people that you don't agree with, because I think, even though a third of vermonters vote for trump, the, at the end of the day, they are primarily very disenfranchised people, and we do have one thing in common, which is the government is fucking us and the government is basically rich people controlling it. So the only thing we have people at nestle.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, the only thing we have and water, and also to convince women on the continent of africa that breast milk is bad, so that they will buy shitty um formula and then have kids get sick. That's a true story, uh, yeah, so my point is is that's our only thing that we've got is like make some friends, talk across party lines and find what you have in common and build those relationships, because that is the potential for the future right there. Yeah, not who's going to be president I, I. Of course, that has some impact right now, but I don't think that's the most important thing.
Speaker 1:My final prediction is that, after after several years of community service, Trump will be gearing up for another presidential run.
Speaker 2:Great, let's not, then again. This is why I'm just going to. I want to focus on local as much as possible, as well as solidarity with people who are suffering all around the world, because, like you pointed out last night, if this was happening here, how many people would just be like, well, fuck Americans.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, like we were talking about this before, but yeah, but I, I, I feel like if there was a huge war that happened in the United States, or if there was an economic collapse or something really bad happened where, like everything fails in America, every country around the world, they just be like, well, they fucking deserve it. Look who they voted for. Yep, they all love Trump, All of them.
Speaker 2:It's important that we publicly and loudly protest the things that are happening to other people around the world, not just as an act of solidarity, but because it does make a difference, like some of the hilarious, very tiny things that Biden has done. At least there's some needle that's moving. And and also, the more we push, the more we are going to have a chance in hell of shit not being a total disaster 10 years from now.
Speaker 1:So I'm invested, I'm in yeah, also the democratic candidate will be the worm that was living inside of rfk jr's head you know what he might be a great thing to vote for yeah, I mean he's got lots of brains now that's real.
Speaker 2:Um, dan, at what point will we ditch the united states for?
Speaker 1:canada. Oh man, I mean, we have a house here, so I don't think we would.
Speaker 2:Barring our house being destroyed and like losing all of our ability to live here. Yeah, the only reason we would go to canada is if our ability to live in the united states had been fully decimated on the plus side, our house would probably be worth like 30 million dollars yeah, but nobody can afford to buy it but that 30 million dollars will probably just buy us a camper van yeah and the other thing about it is like love.
Speaker 2:You canadians who are listening right now I y'all are not that far behind, so so I would encourage you to stop snubbing your noses at Americans. I have a lot of Canadian friends and family who, like you said, basically blamed Americans and conflated the American government with American people, which lots of them that is correct, but there's certainly a lot of us that that is not correct, and the reality is the United States is sort of like the canary in the coal mine for Western developed quote unquote developed wealthy societies of what's going to happen to all of us if we don't act drastically now. So again, if you're out there in the streets protesting, you have my fucking admiration, thank you. I have not been participating with you because I was going to get deported, but now I can. No excuses now. Nope, now I can uh get out there in my wheelchair.
Speaker 1:They'll probably still beat the shit out of me anyways and I have the kind of job that if I got arrested for protesting.
Speaker 2:They wouldn't fire me, so I'm very lucky for that. Well, what would you ever leave for canada?
Speaker 1:oh yeah, I mean, I I think canada is a pretty special place yeah, it's expensive.
Speaker 2:Yeah, um, not because of taxes, because of land the comedian, jim jeffries.
Speaker 1:I think this was back in 2016, the first time that trump ran for president and uh, and he said that he agrees that America should build a wall, but it should be on the Canadian border and not to keep Canadians out, but to keep the Americans out when they run out of health care. And he said also only make it about three feet tall so that when Americans are crawling with their worn out knees and elbows, they have to get up and climb over it.
Speaker 2:That's so horrible. I would like to imagine a future and this is definitely moving towards treasonous I would like to imagine a future where tribal nations what they call them in the United States, so Canadians who are like that's a terrible term, that is the US term that most folks use themselves and candidates first nations. I would like to believe in a world where they have more power and sovereignty back and the borders that exist today are no longer relevant. And I will just say one last thing that's highly likely we didn't talk about that, but it is highly likely that this experiment called the united states of america will be dissolved at some point, because it is the most unstable political system, the state system that has ever existed in the history of humanity yeah, well, that sounds like fun yep, so that's not that's it a couple of runs from the horde to round us out.
Speaker 2:First of all, we got some grounds. We do, ollie, you are beloved by your youtube friends. We had so many comments from people from our last Casual Dead episode that were just like we love Ollie. So if you sent anybody our way. Thanks, ollie and it was fast too.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I don't think it was up a few hours before. People were like we love Ollie and I'm like who is Ollie, who is this guy?
Speaker 2:Well, we talked about him with the spreadsheet. No, I know who guy. Well, we talked about him with the spreadsheet. No, I know, I know. Oh, like, who is he like? What is the following that ollie has? Yeah, yeah, like they found us fast I'm just saying they really did and also oh, um, I also want to point out to ollie hey, I think that you have the option to use any pronoun, but this was a good example where I decided to make an assumption because of your name and I used he, him pronouns, but I know you use all pronouns, including it, so, um, I'm gonna mostly use they, I think, for you from now on, unless you do have a preference of all those pronouns, in which case let us know, because that's important yeah, you've been working on the, on the spreadsheet, haven't you?
Speaker 2:yes, I shared it with ollie, I saw, a screenshot I know it was so beautiful. Ollie, you make me so proud, um, you make me proud to be an american, ollie. You're our best friend now. No, take backs. That's how this goes that's how it works uh, another best friend from norway, I don't know how to say this person's handle lodus lodus, lodus lodus. What does? What does lodus say, dan?
Speaker 1:uh. Lodus says hey, you have been part part of my Sunday routine for the past two months. I remember playing Worlds Adrift with Danger some years ago. See, that was my name, that was my nickname, remember? I threw that out there earlier in this episode.
Speaker 2:That's true.
Speaker 1:Thank you for the good times back then and thank you for the good times you're creating now.
Speaker 2:Thanks.
Speaker 1:You know, I've gotten a lot of good feedback from people who, because we're uploading this to my old YouTube channel which has, you know, a thousand plus streams on it, and I built a community there and, while I haven't gotten like a glowing, glowing feedback from everyone, there are, like key members of that community who are very excited to be a part of this now and I'm really appreciative of that yeah, and it's nice to meet you all.
Speaker 2:You know, I was stalking dan when we weren't together. I was watching some of his streams, although I had no idea what was going on, because I don't play video games, but I was just like waiting to hear his sexy, sexy voice. Uh, while playing gta, is it this? Yeah, this is my normal speaking voice. Oh, dan, say more. Yeah, oh, are we keeping that? Yeah?
Speaker 1:Who likes my normal voice?
Speaker 2:So sexy. One last little bit of housekeeping business. Episode 50 is coming up Six more episodes. We will be drawing for our Evil Magic Chicken Zombie T-shirt. So if you have not sent me a cluck, you have time. Coming up six more episodes. We will be drawing for our evil magic chicken zombie t-shirt so you have not sent me a cluck. You have time, not much time yeah, we should make more.
Speaker 1:We should make more shirts. You know, there's so many things that I want to do, but I have so little time now.
Speaker 2:Like well, I've made a lot of art recently, so, yeah, we can make some of those t-shirts for sure your recent art right now, I mean it's nobody's going gonna be able to see it I I don't think right because it's for a specific person, but oh, I'm gonna share it.
Speaker 1:Oh, please share it. She's, she. Leah. Leah is drawing.
Speaker 2:Describe what you're drawing so, first of all, a colleague that I have uh told me that their social handle as a teenager was plaid super squid and I was like that's rad. So I drew a plaid super squid. You can find that on my handle at sunset cloud parade on threads um. And then one of my besties, britney, who will never listen to this podcast I love pointing that out, just in case one day they do uh saw it and was like okay, I have a special request. Like is it rude of me to like ask you to do something? And I was like no. So she said I want a zebra in a field of flowers. Okay, so far this sounds doable, right?
Speaker 2:beautiful wildflowers but it has to have a hot dog riding it in a fancy hat. So that is what I'm working so far. I've got the zebra and the hot dog. The hot dog has one leg. I've got to do the other lens and I don't know how do you feel about the hot dog's face?
Speaker 1:I love the hot dog's face. Yeah, he's having a good time.
Speaker 2:He is having a good time. So, yeah, I'll put that up eventually. I just can't post it until I've sent it to britney so she can enjoy.
Speaker 2:And I told her the only cost for her asking me to make this for her was that she has to print it and frame it in a prominent location of her home preferably the entryway so, uh, I will report back if that happens, but in the meantime, we only have one more week before you all have the immense privilege of listening to the brilliant, the gorgeous, the fun me, no, laurie calcaterra. All right, yeah, we did. Yeah, we'll be talking to laurie, or we've already talked to laurie. You'll be getting to hear that conversation next week. Laurie is the author and letterer for path, the pale rider comics series, one of my favorite things I've read, if not, to be honest, my favorite thing I've read since we started this podcast. Yeah, uh, it's super fun. She's our reigning champion, or queen, of the zombie wean game show.
Speaker 1:That was our first annual one.
Speaker 2:Yeah, zombie queen, queen. You can get the comics. It's not too late. You can download them as pdfs on path of the pale, ridercom and some things. I'm excited for that. Y'all get to hear a little bit more. Uh, we're going to discuss whether or not zombies have human rights. Yeah, do they. You'll have to listen to the show all right, I guess I'll I'll tune in.
Speaker 2:You'll learn if dan was successful in hacking the secret website that's a part of this comic series. Uh, you'll get to know big james the zombie bear, and also the fact that there are choose your own adventure options in this world that laurie has created yeah, hey, you know what?
Speaker 1:Choose your Own Adventure was like what we had before video games and RPGs, so it was very nostalgic and I loved it.
Speaker 2:I think if I could walk straight in a video game, I would enjoy video games because I love Choose your Own Adventure, but I can't.
Speaker 1:You know what we need to play the Walking Dead Telltale Games game. Let's do it. It's very much like branching paths, like choose your own adventure. It's not one of these things where you have to have a lot of video game skills to play, though sometimes it can be quite tense because there's time limits.
Speaker 2:You know I'm not going to be able to walk in a straight line.
Speaker 1:Right, I'll do the moving, but we can make the choices together. Okay, that sounds fun.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because if I do the moving, but we can make the choices together. Okay, that sounds fun.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because if I do the moving, I'm just going to be spinning around in circles and accidentally swiping at things. Yeah, I don't even know what I'll do.
Speaker 2:I'll probably kill us in the first two minutes, but for now, please call us with a burning question or your evil magic chicken, zombie cluck, or a tale of your own survival. We'd love to share them 614 699-0006. Yeah, it can be up to three minutes long. Yeah, but no more than that, no more than three minutes. And then also, you can email us at zombiebookclubpodcast at gmailcom.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know. There's another feature, too that I secretly added and didn't tell anybody about, something that our podcast host allows us to do it's added a link at the top of our description that allows you to send us a text message. Nice, so you can click on that. It'll open up a text message. It'll automatically fill out everything that you need and has some brief instructions as to what not to delete, and you can send us a message. It'll show up in our panel when we're uploading an episode. Oh, that's fun. Yeah, I tested it out already. Yeah.
Speaker 2:It's been great Also if you can find our Discord buried in a past life. I can't even log into Discord so I'm not in there right now, but people are there.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know, I got to add the link to Discord. Discord's made some changes and I can't actually just create a link. I can create a code, but I can't create a link. It's weird. I don't get it. I apparently need to have more followers in order to unlock my ability to share.
Speaker 2:But you can't share the link to get more followers. That's wonderful.
Speaker 1:I'm not important enough apparently.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So, dan, do you want to do the outro for us for today?
Speaker 1:Yeah, don't forget to subscribe and rate and review it uh helps us spread our zombie virus. That is this podcast. We, we infect the ear holes.
Speaker 2:It's a very different kind if you're listening, you're already infected like you can.
Speaker 1:You can do it by uh, sharing um earbuds, uh, but you can also get other infections from sharing earbuds. So, at your own risk, don't share earbuds with strangers. Is what I'm saying honestly, ears are kind of gross um, also maybe like uh, lick somebody's ear or just tell them to listen to this podcast somebody might like their ear being licked. That can be an erogenous sound yeah, let us know if you like your ear being like yeah, that's what I want to hear about the text message.
Speaker 2:Yeah, call us at 614-699-0006. Let us know if you like your ear being licked. Yeah, that's what I want to hear about. Send us a text message. Yeah, call us at 614-699-0006. Leave a voicemail.
Speaker 1:Let us know if you like having your ear licked. Oh God, I don't know what we just asked for from the universe. Do you want a zombie to lick your ear? Thanks for listening. Follow us on Instagram threads Subscribe, rate and out if you like it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, bye-bye. It's like getting licked in the ear. Bye-bye everybody. The end is nigh.
Speaker 1:The end is nigh. This is the end, bye.
Speaker 2:Bye, only friend.